The Wellesley students who should have been

by Alexa Williams '14 Arts Editor

By KRISTEN GREEN ’14 and MARIANA ZEPEDA ’14

Features Editor and Online Editor

by Alexa Williams '14 Arts Editor

Graphic by Alexa Williams ’14
Arts Editor

After her SBOG frog-wearing-, crowd-surfing-, Spice Girls-serenading-filled performance on Oct. 25, Kate Nash took to Twitter. “I wanna go to wellesley,” she tweeted, and judging by the crowd’s reaction to Nash’s girl power performance, she’d likely fit right in. Some other women out there, real and imagined, might also have found their home at Wellesley. From Mia Thermopolis to Michael Scott, the following is an ode to those who should have gone to Wellesley.

Rory Gilmore

The transition from Stars Hollow to Wellesley wasn’t too difficult for Rory, who fell in love with the English department her first semester. A frequenter of the Newhouse talks, Rory is also an editor for The Wellesley News. Her room in Stone Davis allows for quick access to Billings, so she spends most evenings writing and editing in the fourth floor newsroom. Rory may be a rule follower, but she’s rebelled against the residential ban on coffee makers since her first weekend at Wellesley. She and Lorelai deemed dining hall coffee to be insufficiently caffeinated upon arrival. Now, she makes sure to have a large supply of Luke’s coffee in her room at all times.

Mia Thermopolis

Although Mia has some post-grad job security, she’s still a diligent student. A political science and English double major, Mia spends most of her time in class and office hours. She also sharpens her diplomatic skills through Model United Nations and is a regular contributor to Counterpoint. If she’s not off fulfilling royal duties in Genovia during her time off, she’s probably journaling in the Cow Chair room. She may not get preferential treatment in the classroom, but Grandmère insisted on pulling some strings to adjust Mia’s residential experience. In the end, the administrators made an exception to the pet policy for Mia. Fat Louie continues to reside with his loving owner in her Pomeroy dorm room.

Belle

Belle finds her place as a French and art history double major at Wellesley, but you’re also likely to find her making sandwiches at El Table or hosting her radio show “Be My Guest” on WZLY.  The librarians at Clapp knew her by name within her first month on campus. Belle also spends a lot of time Skyping with her dad in the French House living room. Though she’s finally resigned herself to living in a world without singing candelabras, she’s often spotted sipping tea out of an old, chipped tea cup.

Mindy Kaling

Mindy grew up around Wellesley, so it only seems natural that she’d stay close to home for college. She’s an English major who specializes in monopolizing office hours, but she also makes a point to get off campus. You’ll likely find her shopping in 344 and, most weekends, getting brunch at The Cottage. A regular contributor to Hey Madeline, Mindy’s also a dedicated member of Dead Serious. Mindy’s dorm of choice is Tower Court West, where closets are almost roomy enough to accommodate her shoe collection. Mindy actually convinced her first year roommate to give up her claim to the room’s second closet so she could safely store all her clothes.

Regina George

She eventually recovered from the tragic bus accident and found her niche in contact sports. At Wellesley, George continued to channel her rage into athleticism. You’re most likely to find her practicing rugby on Sev Green, where she specializes in covert knock-downs of other players. Off the field, George is a proud philosophy major. Though she claims to enjoy all class discussions, her real love is Machiavelli—in fact, she’s writing her thesis on “The Prince.” Currently housed in Caz, George is also a member of the field hockey and crew teams. Regina refuses to take the Peter Pan into Boston. Not a problem, of course, as Ms. George bought her a car.

Hermione Granger

Even without the benefit of a wand, Hermione excels as a history and peace and justice studies double major. When she’s not chatting with professors during office hours, she’s probably in a private study room in the Clapp Library doing research for her thesis on the marginalization and exploitation of house elves. Hermione is also an active member of Amnesty International and Mock Trial and her tenure as House President of Freeman Hall has been one of the most productive the College has ever seen. She met with Dean Lori Tenser to explore the possibility of acquiring a Time Turner, but Tenser told her that the rule that first years are only allowed to take four classes their first semester is non-negotiable. Her sophomore fall, Hermione began taking five classes every semester and committed to a UROP with a professor in the anthropology (or Muggle Studies) department at MIT. It turns out she really could do it all without time travel, although taking a Firebolt instead of the Peter Pan into Cambridge did save some time.

Virginia Woolf

An introspective but brilliant women’s and gender studies major, Virginia rarely speaks during class, but when she does, Wellesley students are known to fall silent at her sheer genius. She writes prodigiously—often in a room of her own in Instead—for both Counterpoint and The Wellesley Review.

Mulan

Mulan may have done the Wellesley chop before arriving on campus, but she was still a nervous first year when she began classes. Mulan declared an East Asian Studies major,  partly out of genuine interest, but mostly to bring honor to the family. A senator for Shafer her first year, Mulan got involved in College Government early on, particularly with SOAC and SOFC.  She became CGVP her senior year. Having officially found her niche on campus, she’s finally sure of her own reflection.

Michael Scott

When considering exchange programs, Michael saw a picture of Wellesley’s platform 9 and ¾ and fell in love with the campus. He didn’t realize Wellesley was a women’s college until he arrived for orientation, but after a few awkward conversations during his first week, he never looked back. Though he never got a callback for Dead Serious, he’s continued to harbor great admiration for the members of the organization and has made a habit of bringing snacks to every one of their practices. Scott realized early on that he had a talent for Wushu and eagerly joined the team just in time to perform in the Slater Cultural Show. He loves to study at the Emporium, where he can chat with passersby and have constant access to bubble tea. Scott switched his major to cinema and media studies upon arrival to Wellesley, but was sorely disappointed to discover that his classes didn’t only consist of watching movies.

Kristen Green is a senior studying political science and Spanish. Follow her on Twitter @greengreen_kris.

Mariana Zepeda is a Mexico City-born English and History major. Follow her on Twitter @zepedamariana.

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