By KRISTEN GREEN ’14 and MARIANA ZEPEDA ’14
Features Editor and Online Editor
There’s more to Twitter than Nicholas Kristof and Kim Kardashian. Here’s a guide to following your favorite fictional characters and literary figures: who to avoid and who to look for.
The ones to look for
Jane Austen @DailyJaneAusten
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Austen’s wisdom can easily be dispensed in forms other than the novel.
Josiah Bartlet @Pres_Bartlet
Wondering “what’s next” for your favorite Nobel Prize-winning economist and former president? Though there’s not enough Latin-spewing on this Twitter account—if only it were run by Aaron Sorkin—the account’s commentary on the recent government shutdown is gold. For an added bonus, watch Prez Bartlet Twitter-holler @Mrs_Landingham.
Lord Voldemort (The Dark Lord) @Lord_Voldemort7
The Dark Lord is an avid tweeter. What better way to rebuild an army of Death Eaters after his humiliating defeat at the Battle of Hogwarts?
Bridget Jones @BridgetJ0nes
“Taking my bra off after a hard day of having breasts,” is a recent tweet from the quintessential now-married-but-who-are-we-kidding-perpetually-single Bridget Jones. Wine, love and food are the most oft-discussed subjects on Ms. Jones’ account.
DRUNK HULK @DRUNKHULK
His nearly 200,000 followers love him, and chances are, you will too. “FATHER YELL WHAT YOU GO DO WITH YOU LIFE! OH DADDY DEAR! YOU KNOW YOU STILL NUMBER ONE! BUT GIRL! THEY WANT HAVE FUN!”
Ernest Hemingway @ehemingway
Faulkner once said that “Ernest Hemingway has never been known to use a word that might send the reader to a dictionary.” His Twitter feed stands as testament to that fact. Twitter’s 140-character cap works well for this famously sparse writer.
Barney Stinson @Broslife
Not only does CBS run Barney’s blog, they also run this bro’s legen—wait for it—dary Twitter.
Edgar Allan Poe @Edgar_Allan_Poe
Like the idea of “Tell-Tale Tweets”? That’s the title of a book inspired by this Twitter account, whose recent tweets include, “Bliss is that precious moment when the maggots eating your dead flesh all stop to swallow at the same time.”
Connie Britton’s Hair @ConBritsHair
Honestly, Connie Britton’s hair deserves better than this Twitter account can give it. But don’t follow it for the tweets, follow it because you’re following Connie Britton’s hair. Just so you know, this isn’t the only hairstyle that has a Twitter account. Follow @OBriensBangs and keep up with your favorite Downton Abbey villain.
William Shakespeare @wwm_Shakespeare
“Brevity is the soul of wit.” So said Shakespeare. So says his Twitter.
Feminist Taylor Swift @feministtswift
Clara Beyer, a senior at Brown University, created this Twitter account last summer. Within a week of its creation, Feminist Taylor Swift (Happy. Free. Confused. And oppressed by the patriarchy. At the same time.) had attracted over 75,000 followers. Beyer, a self-proclaimed T-Swift fan, rewrites lyrics from the artist (who famously does not identify as a feminist). Admittedly some of the tweets fall flat—there’s only so much you can do with certain T-Swift lyrics—but gems like “I fell in love with a careless man’s careful daughter / She is the best thing that’s ever been mine / Hold on, why am I a man’s property?” or “She wears short skirts / I wear T-shirts / Neither of us is asking for it” make this account worth following.
The ones to avoid
Meredith Grey @DrMeredithGrey
Although we only highlight two Grey’s Anatomy characters on this list, you’d be doing yourself a favor if you refused to follow any of the Grey’s lot. Their Twitter accounts, officially run by ABC (oddly enough), will make fans feel even worse about the current state of Shonda Rhimes’ former masterpiece. Spoiler alert: characters tweet at each other as episodes air. “@CallieTorresGSM thanks for at least brushing your teeth!,” Meredith recently tweeted. Good God.
Joshua Lyman @joshualyman
“Out of Office Message: The only title I have at the moment is husband to @donnatella_moss.” Even if you were a Josh-and-Donna shipper, this Twitter will make you cringe. You’d be better off following the actors themselves, who recently had a glorious Twitter reunion.
RIP George O’Malley @DrGeorgeOMalley
When George O’Malley died at the end of Grey’s Anatomy’s fifth season, you think he’d have stopped tweeting. Thank goodness for this creative and extremely committed fan, who continues to tweet from the account she created for George even after his death—now, as his mother.
Carrie Bradshaw @CarrieBr4dshaw
In Season Three’s “Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman,” Big’s new wife Natasha mistakenly writes “their” instead of “there” in a note to Carrie. Carrie finds comfort in the fact that the grammar of this otherwise perfect woman leaves much to be desired. Unfortunately, the fan administering Carrie’s Twitter account doesn’t share the columnist’s knowledge of grammar. “Never love anybody who treats you like your ordinary,” is a recent tweet. The real Carrie would have never made that mistake.
Kristen Green is a senior studying political science and Spanish. Follow her on Twitter @greengreen_kris.
Mariana Zepeda is a Mexico City-born English and History major. Follow her on Twitter @zepedamariana.