Number options to stay on hold for

By BROTI GUPTA ’16

Staff Columnist

Thank you for calling The Business Company. If you know your party’s extension, please dial it now. Otherwise, please hold for more options. 

Press 1 if you would like to contact advertising, marketing or would like to hear any businessman use fancy terms like “oversee” or “paperclip.”

Press 2 if you would like to be transferred to our sales department. No one has ever pressed 2, so they would very much appreciate it if you would. 

Press 3 if you would like to be transferred to our Los Angeles department. If you are already in Los Angeles, you do not need to select this option.

Press 4 for our finance department. I do not recommend talking to them. They are very boring.

Press 5 if you would like to be transferred to the pizzeria next to our company. We order there sometimes, and they wanted a shout out. Al, do you hear this? Do we still owe you money? 

Press 6 if you would like to be transferred to 5. Al wanted more advertising.

Press 7 if you want to hear options 4-7 again.

Press 8 if you do not.

Press 9 if you want to order from Al’s Pizzeria and thought you missed your chance after the first two times we mentioned it.

Press the pound key, and then dial 1-2 if you’d like to speak with our company lawyer about food poisoning from Al’s.

Press the pound key, and then dial 3-1 if you’d like to yell at Al personally. Please yell, “Room temperature isn’t the right temperature for meat storage!” because we’ve been trying to tell him that for years.

Press 9-1-1 if there’s any more food poisoning.

Press 0 if you’d like to be transferred to an operator, or please hold.

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