***Editor’s Note: This article was published as part of the satirical April 1, 2015
Local Wellesley student Caroline Lyons ’18 was recently invited to MIT student Ben White’s dorm room to watch House of Cards season two and was surprised when they actually watched it. Lyons and Woods recently began a personal relationship after connecting at an Athletes/Mathletes-themed frat party. White, a member of the Beta Theta Sigma chapter at MIT, handed Lyons a drink and started asking her about her major and life at Wellesley. After that night, Lyons slept over and Woods and Lyons began a personal relationship over text.
On Tuesday, exactly three days after they started seeing each other, Woods texted Lyons “Wanna come over on Saturday and watch Netflix ;).” Lyons, who felt the need to blow off steam after her hard Wellesley week, responded positively with a “Sure. See you then!” Lyons, newly single, was excited for a new casual relationship that didn’t require too much time.
Lyons spent two hours getting ready for her future encounter. Her routine included shaving after a full week of not doing so. Lyons said she spent time working on her eyeliner and plucking her eyebrows. “I wanted to pick an outfit that was sexy but in like a casual way.” Lyons also consulted many friends on her outfit and what texts to send White upon her arrival.
Upon her arrival, Lyons was surprised when White actually picked a show he felt passionately about. “I guess he just really likes the show and doesn’t get to talk about it?” Lyons guessed regarding his choice. “I pretended I was also super into it but honestly I was just waiting for him to make a move.”
White spent the entire time talking about the complexity of the relationship between Frank and Claire and how ruthless the politics of the show were. He even mentioned how much more cynicism this show had compared to “Parks and Recreation” or even “The West Wing.” Lyons would often affirm his opinions with nods and smiles, even laughing at some his jokes out of pity. When she felt the conversation was at a lull, she mentioned how much she liked Claire’s outfits. “Honestly, the show was fine. I was just confused about why he didn’t put his arm around me,” Lyons said. “I mean we met at a frat party so I didn’t think this was like a date or anything.”
Upon finishing the first episode, there was a brief awkward moment where both parties felt vaguely uncomfortable. “I thought that would be a good time for him to kiss me,” Lyons said. “But he didn’t and then the next episode started playing, so then we just watched it.”
The night continued until the end of the second episode when Lyons, feeling that the cause was lost, casually mentioned that the bus was coming and she had an early day tomorrow. “He didn’t even kiss me goodbye,” Lyons said. “I’m just mad because I wore matching underwear for nothing.”
When asked about the event himself White said, “I thought she’d like the show because she’s a political science major. I even said a bunch of intellectual stuff to impress her but she never got closer to me. I never got the sign she wanted to hookup, you know? Guess she isn’t into me.”
Photo Courtesy of Netflix