In reports drawn from Facebook and corroborated by friends, The Wellesley News has uncovered that Pomeroy resident Hailey Benson has claimed the record for most Wellesley chops during her matriculation, with a total of seven haircuts.
“She posted a selfie from the Pom TV room last night with the caption, ‘Wellesley chop… for the seventh time!!!!’ ” said Facebook acquaintance and chop claim skeptic Dominique Robinson. “I don’t think I’ve gotten seven haircuts in my life.”
Benson’s brunette locks have stirred up quite a controversy in the Quad community.
“Okay, I just think that at least three of those couldn’t possibly be true ‘chops,’ per say” said floormate Cynthia Park. “I was on HoCo with her last year, and there was one night where she announced that she’d gotten a haircut, but no one noticed.” Park paused. “Is she seriously trying to call that a chop?”
“There’s a lot of meaning behind the term itself,” said Evelyn Glass, a Cognitive & Linguistic Science major. “I personally believe that you really can’t get more than two technical chops within a five-year period. It just can’t be done.”
“Frankly, I can’t figure out where she gets it cut,” said Park. “I thought you could only get your hair blow-dryed in the Ville?”
The technicalities of Benson’s record have been debated across campus.
“Human hair grows at a rate of about fifteen centimeters a year,” reported Professor Adam Carlson of the Department of Biological Sciences. “There is a possibility Ms. Benson’s hair growth rate could exceed that, either because of genetic components or perhaps as a result of a vitamin supplement.”
“Okay, so I think the window for chop eligibility opens up as soon as Wellesley officially accepts you,” said sophomore Jenna Kowalski, who knows Benson from MATH 225. “So, she’s a senior now, so say she applied Early Decision and had enough hair then for a chop, and got it done that winter. So then it’s almost four years later, so her hair’s grown sixtyish centimeters since then. That’s about twenty-four inches. And I think you need at least five inches cut for it to be an actual chop, and that’s an absolute minimum. So maybe she could have had six chops, but that’s a bit of a stretch. Did she maybe take a gap year or something?”
“It’s a jealousy thing,” said junior Shaferite Erica Nguyen. “Her best friend just got 173 likes on a picture of her and her boyfriend dressed up as Pam and Jim, so Hailey totally feels a need to assert social media dominance.” Nguyen then returned to her psych reading.
Though students have spent hours of possible study time debating this matter, no conclusion has been reached.
“I think President Johnson should have the final say,” said Robinson.
No comment has been given by the Office of the President.
