This September has brought with it a slew of anti-fun fact memes, each created in opposition to the heinous first day of class tradition which dictates that every student must tell the class her/their name, preferred gender pronouns, where they are from, why she/they took this class, and, yes, you saw it coming, a ‘fun fact’ about herself/themselves – something quirky and personal she’d/they’d like the class to know about them.
For most students, fun facts are, in fact, not that fun to think of or say. The process of coming up with a fun fact is often stressful and requires some serious mental exertion; is “I spent the summer in Spain” too boring? Is “my favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate peanut buttery swirl” too unnecessarily detailed for such a mind numbing blurb of information? What about, “I interned at Morgan Stanley”? You may not be bragging, but you sure sound like you are. And, for your sake, maybe don’t say anything along the lines of “I’m really really random” or “I like unicorns and fuzzy things;” most people haven’t been wired to understand those kinds of comments since xD.
In lieu of banning such a heinous (I am saying heinous for a second, now a third, time) practice forever, here is a list of eleven alternative fun facts that you can tell the class, all the while knowing that you will not be dubbed “boring” or “extra.” Well, maybe a wee bit extra. And you probably won’t receive any follow up questions, at least not during class.
1. I went over Niagara Falls in a barrel but unfortunately I didn’t make it back alive.
2. In my free time I talk sh*t about everyone in this class with my good friend X.
3. December of senior year my friend got into Yale and then I used her resume for my college applications in January of that same year (she never applied to Wellesley so it worked out well. As you can see).
4. People say chocolate kills dogs, but I’m pretty sure the only thing that hurts them is the economy.
5. My sister is my parents’ favorite child, but I can do all the drugs I want.
6. I’m starting a petition to bring back pencils with real lead.
7. I like sharpies, but at the end of the day Elmer’s is where its at.
8. Not only was she my mother-in-law, she was also my lover.
9. At the end of the day, we’re all just human beings. What separates some from the rest is that some have summer internships at Morgan Stanley (if you absolutely must).
10. Stealing is surprisingly easy, as I’m sure all of you know.
11. Die Antwood’s “I Fink You Freaky” was inspired by my lisp.