In this “Saw”-like scenario, Wellesley students are forced to choose between two equatable options: we can have strawberries, raspberries and other amazing berries in the dining halls, or we can have comprehensive reform to help low-income students and students of color succeed at Wellesley.
The debate has split the campus in half. You’re either pro-berry or anti-health. You’re either pro-berry or just complaining and should really be “grateful you’re at Wellesley with such amazing faculty and financial aid that allows you to be here,” one idiot said.
“I just don’t see the question here. I mean, both my parents attended Ivy League colleges, and I find the resources at Wellesley to be totally sufficient. All I ask is for some blueberries for my morning smoothie!” one anonymous student wrote on a discussion post.
While many student activists have been advocating for changes — such as making the Peter Pan bus free or providing more affordable resources for systematically underprivileged groups and better representation within the faculty — the pro-berry group feels that there are much more important matters to discuss.
“Why stop at berries? While we’re at it, we should add avocados to the list!” Jessica Wasserman ’20 said at a Town Hall hosted by Senate last week. Snaps were heard.
“The school only has so much money to give! After all, it’s not a charity,” Wasserman added and was swiftly punched in the face by another student.
The administration has yet to release an official statement regarding what some have coined “berrygate.” However, co-president of Mezcla Ava Cruz ’19 said that students are organizing a protest and asking administration to literally just give adequate resources to underrepresented and underfunded groups and organizations.
The vote will occur on Monday at the next Senate meeting. Meanwhile, debates continue to rage across campus about whether or not cherries are classified as a berry, as it seems to be a dealbreaker for many students.
“It’s up to the students now,” concluded President Johnson. “Personally, I’m more of a pineapple girl myself.”