• About
  • Editorial Board
  • Advertise
  • Join Us
  • Archives
The Wellesley News -
  • News and Features
    • Welcoming Wellesley’s Green Class of 2025
      Welcoming Wellesley’s Green Class of 2025
    • 2020 Alumnae Achievement Awards Held Virtually; 3 Awardees Honored
      2020 Alumnae Achievement Awards Held Virtually; 3 Awardees Honored
    • Students Remember the Legacy of Ruth Bader Ginsberg
      Students Remember the Legacy of Ruth Bader Ginsberg
    • News
      • News in Brief
      • Nation & World
      • President’s Corner
      • Senate Report
    • Features
      • Alumnae Spotlight
      • Eye on Science
      • Faculty Focus
      • LGBTQIA+ Column
  • Opinions
    • No image
      You have no valid reasons to oppose raising the minimum wage
    • No image
      Free the pee: cut the hygiene theater and let us use other bathrooms
    • Wellesley, why can’t you meet our dietary needs?
      Wellesley, why can’t you meet our dietary needs?
    • Staff Editorial
    • Letters to the Editor
    • The Elephant in the Room
  • Arts
    • “Judas and the Black Messiah” subverts, soars as Civil Rights story
      “Judas and the Black Messiah” subverts, soars as Civil Rights story
    • Black Entertainment Without Black Trauma: Recommendations for BHM!
      Black Entertainment Without Black Trauma: Recommendations for BHM!
    • Queer Storylines in “The Prom” Fall Flat
      Queer Storylines in “The Prom” Fall Flat
    • Arts In The News
    • Reviews
    • Music Peek
  • Health and Wellness
    • COVID-19: Popping the Wellesley Bubble
      COVID-19: Popping the Wellesley Bubble
    • No image
      Athletic impacts of Covid-19
    • No image
      A new kind of PE
    • Athlete of the Week
    • Boston Sports Update
    • The Vegan Digest
    • The SHE Corner
  • Miscellanea
    • No image
      Remote students experience existential crises; change class years in email signatures
    • President’s Column: The Butterfly Effect
      President’s Column: The Butterfly Effect
    • Your next on-campus romance isn’t going to work out
      Your next on-campus romance isn’t going to work out
    • The Artichoke
    • The Dose
    • The Olive Branch
    • Multimedia
      • Galleries
      • Infographics
      • Videos
By Emily Carey, Mary Meisenzahl Miscellanea, The ArtichokeMarch 13, 2019

Hillary Clinton announces CGP campaign, will return to Wellesley for another year

Wellesley College students were shocked to learn via Twitter that a fifth contender for college government president (CGP) had announced her candidacy. A video including clips from her senior year commencement speech in 1969 announced that none other than former presidential candidate and former CGP, Hillary Clinton ’69, would be taking an extra year at Wellesley to fulfill her dream of being president (again).

Reactions were mixed, with strong feelings on both sides. “I’ve waited years for a CGP candidate who voted for the Iraq war! She’s the hawk of my dreams,” said Shannon Evans ’19, political science major and future war criminal. “We were so excited to re-accept her,” Director of Admissions Holly Black commented, “her resume was just so full. I mean, it would have been great to see first female POTUS on there, but it really do be like that sometimes.”

Not all students shared this excitement, though. Current junior Lisa Jackson was quick to cry out “but her emails!” when asked to comment on the exciting news. Several students echoed this concern about her email practices, specifically chronic replying-all and a blatant disregard for rules designated by Elections Committee (EC). Head of EC Anna Cho ’20, has taken to leading chants of “lock her up,” based on these infractions. “Based on her Twitter campaign video posted 30 seconds before 8 a.m., the official start of the campaign, we technically have the right to take her name off the ballot,” Cho commented. Very Michael Cohen of her.

The day after the video was posted, 9/11 conspiracy posters around campus were replaced with colorful photos of Clinton in her best pantsuit flashing the Wellesley “W” sign with her hands, surrounded by last year’s somewhat still-relevant memes. According to sources who asked not to be named, Clinton is not above pandering, relying on a shared Wellesley background in lieu of inspiring policies saying, “she wants us to know she’s just like us.”

While it is unclear if she will win the election, Clinton was quick to state that she would take the extra year to grow and learn no matter what. She won’t be campaigning for those crucial swing votes in the Quad, against expert advice. Instead, she plans to take five classes, accept a work-study job intended for a low-income student and will definitely thesis. “I know what it’s like to lose,” she stated, “although I am relieved to know that the popular vote will win this election.”

She finished her statement by begging fellow students to “Pokemon GO to the polls. Right? Are we still saying that???” before tweeting a Mean Girls gif and an incoherent collection of emojis at the other candidates.

 

Share on

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Google +
  • LinkedIn
  • Email
Previous articleWellesley invites Momo for Women’s History Month
Next articleThings you may encounter in the internship dogfight

You may also like

Remote students experience existential crises; change class years in email signatures

College Government President Tatiana Ivy Moise '21 speaks at commencement. She wears a mask and a graduation robe, and stands at a podium.

President’s Column: The Butterfly Effect

Your next on-campus romance isn’t going to work out

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Email Newsletter

Sign up to receive our weekly digest in your inbox

* indicates required

Top Articles

  • COVID-19: Popping the Wellesley Bubble
  • Welcoming Wellesley’s Green Class of 2025
  • 2020 Alumnae Achievement Awards Held Virtually; 3 Awardees H...

Recent Tweets

Tweets by @Wellesley_News

The independent student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901.

Sign up to receive our weekly digest in your inbox

* indicates required

  • About
  • Editorial Board
  • Advertise
  • Join Us
  • Archives
COPYRIGHT © 2021 THE WELLESLEY NEWS
Back to top