Who is Wendy?
Your friend who is somehow quadruple-majoring; president of three orgs; friends with every living soul; straight out of a J. Crew catalog; interning at Goldman, the UN and the MET simultaneously; and definitely graduating summa cum laude yet also at a party every weekend and well rested every night. Skin is clear and always looks impeccable. Her secret? Oh, she just drinks a lot of water! She asks the professor how early she can turn in that PSET. She also uses semicolons to separate lists when appropriate.
Who is Wanda?
Wanda is that b!*ch who walks in 15 minutes late to class in the middle of a quiz and whispers to you “there was a quiz?” Wanda is on the LoCo every Friday, Saturday and even Sunday—but not Thursdays; that’s when she’s dancing on the tables at the Pub. She’s switched her major 4 times in the past semester and isn’t worried about life after graduation because she somehow always figures it out. Impulsive, lizard-brained, no f*cks given. The pure chaotic epitome of ‘here for a good time, not a long time.’
Dear Wendy and Wanda,
“I am a first year and my boyfriend constantly puts down Wellesley. For example, he calls the LocalMotion the fuck truck and constantly says I made a mistake coming here over the Ivy League I got into. It makes me feel bad enough to want to dump him, even though we’ve been together since I was fifteen. Thoughts???”
– Patronized Patty
Dear fellow Wendy,
First of all, Wellesley is better than each and every Ivy. I know you are only a first year, so you may not be totally convinced of that yet because you simply don’t have enough information to reach a conclusion that is statistically significant at the 5 percent level, or let’s face it the 1% level, because we hold ourselves to an often unnecessarily high standard. But take it from a senior, rest assured, you have made a good choice.
That being said, someone once told me that Wellesley is like a stiletto— absolutely fabulous but not for everyone, so if you are questioning your choice, that is totally understandable. College is a big transition and it is hard to know if a school is a good fit until you actually attend.
But your boyfriend doesn’t attend this school.
You are absolutely entitled to your doubts and reservations. You are also entitled to love it here. You have a responsibility to yourself to figure out how you feel about this place, and his responsibility is to support you through that, not to dictate how you should be feeling by belittling your choices.
I think the classic plight of the Wendy is holding ourselves to unnecessarily high standards, and our partners to inexplicably low ones. My instinct says that if you held him to the same benchmark you hold yourself to, he wouldn’t make the cut. I find that how people respond to the idea of a women’s college is a good litmus test: some are enthusiastic, others are not quite sure what to make of it while still others dismiss it out of hand because apparently women’s value is still conditional on the presence of men. It seems to me that your boyfriend falls into that last category, prioritizing his second-hand perceptions over your lived experience.
You go to Wellesley, you have things to do, injustices to right, dragons to slay. Your life is probably full and if you are anything like me you are lucky to get a spare second to step back, breathe, and remember that you are, in all likelihood, killing it. You don’t have time for someone who makes you feel like less than you are.
I understand that the notion of ending a long-term relationship can be daunting, but staying with someone just because you have been together for a long time is the romantic equivalent of defending indefensible policy by saying “this is the way we have always done it.”
Circling back to an earlier theme, I obviously do not have first-hand knowledge of your relationship and thus will gladly defer to and whole-heartedly support your best judgement. And you got into and chose Wellesley so I’d say your best judgment is pretty good.
Dear Patronized Patty,
Dump him! Who cares!
If you’ve been together for three years, that is a long and significant portion of your life right now, but in 20 years, it will be much less. I assure you, when you’re in your 30s making bank from your Wellesley Degree™, you will not miss him.
If he can not respect or tolerate your decision than why are you with him? Besides the berating, he sounds incredibly jealous and possessive. Wellesley isn’t an Ivy League, but so what? It has enough recognition and prestige by people who matter to be considered one. You had enough intelligence to get into an Ivy league and turn them down, that means you’re a Certified Genius™ and if your boyfriend can’t see that than he shouldn’t be your boyfriend anymore.
I’m sure there are more things going on between you and your boyfriend so that’s why you don’t want to break up with him. But you should. Don’t waste that sweet, sweet shadow grading moping about some idiot. Use it to get back at him and “meet” different MIT Men or Harvard hotties—or for the ultimate flex, some people from Wellesley—and tell him how much more you’re enjoying it here.
Long story short, dump him. Get revenge. The end.
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