facebook icon facebook icon facebook icon
  • About
  • ADS
  • Masthead
    • Editorial Board
  • Subscribe
The Wellesley News -
  • News
    • Wellesley Students Comment on Recent State Elections
      Wellesley Students Comment on Recent State Elections
    • Still No Student Bursar: It’s Not Just a Money Problem
      Still No Student Bursar: It’s Not Just a Money Problem
    • Students question administration’s comments on demonstration policy
      Students question administration’s comments on demonstration policy
    • Senate Report
    • News in Brief
  • Features
    • Professor Selwyn Cudjoe Set To Retire After 38 Years At Wellesley: Africana Studies department hosts lecture series in his honor
      Professor Selwyn Cudjoe Set To Retire After 38 Years At Wellesley: Africana Studies department hosts lecture series in his honor
    • Lines and Light: Vera Pavlova’s Poetry in “The Line of Contact”
      Lines and Light: Vera Pavlova’s Poetry in “The Line of Contact”
    • Tanner Conference: A look into STEM Students Summer Experiences
      Tanner Conference: A look into STEM Students Summer Experiences
  • Opinions
    • We don’t all have to be doctors
      We don’t all have to be doctors
    • Letter to the Editor: do you condemn Israel?
      Letter to the Editor: do you condemn Israel?
    • Arabs and Muslims will speak for ourselves
      Arabs and Muslims will speak for ourselves
    • Editorials
    • Letters to Editors
  • Arts
    • Brandeis-Wellesley Orchestra celebrates 20th anniversary
      Brandeis-Wellesley Orchestra celebrates 20th anniversary
    • Marvel does “Loki” justice with its second season.
      Marvel does “Loki” justice with its second season.
    • SAG-AFTRA reaches tentative deal with studios
      SAG-AFTRA reaches tentative deal with studios
  • Sports
    • The Wellesley Blue is Off to a Powerful Winter Season
      The Wellesley Blue is Off to a Powerful Winter Season
    • Bringing Back the Wellesley College 50 list!
      Bringing Back the Wellesley College 50 list!
    • Sports Week Cheat Sheet: Top Five Moments
      Sports Week Cheat Sheet: Top Five Moments
  • Multimedia
    • Wellesley Celebrates Flower Sunday 2023
      Wellesley Celebrates Flower Sunday 2023
    • Photo of the Week
      Photo of the Week
    • “Stronger Together” Rally with Chelsea Clinton
      “Stronger Together” Rally with Chelsea Clinton
    • Podcasts
    • Photo Stories
  • The Wellesley Snooze
    • How I Transformed My Life Using Kiki and Bouba Theory
      How I Transformed My Life Using Kiki and Bouba Theory
    • America… America has a problem.
      America… America has a problem.
    • A Wellesley Snooze Need to Know: Why Won’t Obama Release his LSAT Scores?
      A Wellesley Snooze Need to Know: Why Won’t Obama Release his LSAT Scores?
  • About
    • Masthead
    • Editorial Board
By Elliot Patterson The Wellesley SnoozeMarch 8, 2023

Miss Me With That Gay Shit

Graphic by Raines Seeley.

What does Wellesley mean by women’s college? Vagina. Monday, March 6, 2023, Wellesley College President Paula Johnson came out with a harsh anti-trans statement. Johnson’s email was triggered by recent support for the “Gender Ballot,” a ballot measure asking for more inclusive language in college communications, the acknowledgment of trans and non-binary applicants, and if we can please just have some they/them as a little treat because we’ve been on our best behavior. To all demands, Paula replied with a harsh no. 

Within the email, Johnson praises the nonbinary population of Wellesley who “consistently identify as women.” Among other favorites are lesbians who consistently identify as straight and your first-year roommate who consistently identifies as “someone who showers.” 

Johnson came out in direct support of the students “who are committed to Wellesley’s mission.” She even added some real-life examples of brave (female) Wellesley students who were held at gunpoint by a mob of non-binary freaks demanding they (multiple women, not a non-binary) must add the word “historically” when they tell people they go to a women’s college. This was followed by a brief anecdote about the witch hunt against JK Rowling and how much PJ loves Harry Potter. She then ended the email with some reading recommendations for “those angry dykes” including a Breitbart News article entitled “Top 10 Times Christianity Got it Right the First Go Around” and the recently released Matt Walsh documentary film “What is a Woman.”

We would like to assure our Snooze readers, however, that Paula is not doing nothing to ally with our “non-binary sisters” (PJ 2023). While coming out against the ballot measure, the administration has proposed a number of actions to increase inclusivity on campus. First, the college will continue to post pictures of campus’s most blue-haired and liberal theys directly to instagram, our website, and college brochures. The Stone Center will now be offering conversion therapy for any students who wish to remain at Wellesley in spite of recent pronoun changes. The new program advertises “Back to she/they in less than three months. She/her within a year.” Finally, Johnson pledges to clarify during the application process that Wellesley accepts women only and to “miss her with that gay shit.”

Graphic by Beverly Cohen.

Share on

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Google +
  • LinkedIn
  • Email
Previous articleTower House Prez Emails
Next articleGeese on Strike: Demanding fair compensation for Wellesley’s unofficial mascot

You may also like

How I Transformed My Life Using Kiki and Bouba Theory

America… America has a problem.

A Wellesley Snooze Need to Know: Why Won’t Obama Release his LSAT Scores?

1 Comment

  • proud american says:
    March 16, 2023 at 4:46 PM

    Hilarious. Genuinely hilarious

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Wellesley News

    SECTIONS

  • News
  • Features
  • Opinions
  • Arts
  • Sports
  • Multimedia
  • Projects
  • About

    ABOUT

  • Contact
  • Join the News
  • Masthead
  • Editorial Board

    RESOURCES

  • Advertising
  • Submission
  • Subscribe

    CONTACT US

  • Contact
COPYRIGHT © 2023 THE WELLESLEY NEWS