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    By Eleanor Ahn The Wellesley SnoozeApril 27, 2023

    Song Victims

    Kiki do you luv me?? Graphic by Eleanor Ahn.

    For all great songs, there is a victim. A perpetrator. A villain. Think John Mayer and “Dear John,” Lindsey Buckingham and “The Chain,” Donald Trump and “FDT (F**k Donald Trump)”— the list goes on and on. Here are the secret inspirations behind your favorite songs, unveiled for the first time.

    • Emmanuel Macron and “Stacy’s Mom”
      • It was love at first period for Emmanuel and Brigitte <3
    • Kiki’s Delivery Service and “In My Feelings”
      • No, Drake did not write this song about Keke Palmer, but about Kiki the tweenage witch. Just think about it: “Kiki, do you love me? Are you riding (your broomstick)?”
    • Circumcised men and “Umbrella”
      • “Umbrella” is a euphemism for foreskin. Rain = semen. Do the math.
    • Ed Sheeran and “Beauty and the Beast”
      • Remember when he opened for Taylor Swift on The Red Tour?
    • Post Malone and “Washing Machine Heart”
      • Even Mitski thinks that he needs a bath.
    • Sofia Richie and “Cooler Than Me”
      • Three custom Chanel looks for her wedding at the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc? With Good Charlotte performing?? She’s just too cool.
    • Boston weather and “Turning Tables”
      • Dear New England: make up your FUCKING mind about what temperature it’s going to be today.
    • Genghis Khan and “All I Do Is Win”
      • Conquering Asia = big dub
    • Birkenstocks and “Who Let The Dogs Out”
      • #ToeReveal

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