*This is an article from the humor section, not real news.*
- 9/4/23
Dear Diary,
Today is my first day of college and I am so excited! I already made one new friend during orientation, and she has a job for me! A new cutting edge and pioneering anonymous Twitter-like app is coming to colleges near me. So, this morning, I pulled on my Lululemon leggings and my oversized hoodie. I threw my hair into a messy bun, laced up my Converse, donned my new white and purple bucket hat and signed my first contract with Fizz!
- 9/6/23
No class today so I’m on the clock with Fizz! This morning at 5 a.m. I knocked on everyone’s door in my hall to make sure they knew about this exciting new venture. Most people were a little upset, but I enthusiastically told them that if they scanned this QR code AND made an account, they could win a doughnut and a cool hat like mine.
- 9/7/23
Jumped on a Zoom call with my cool new boss, Josh! I really enjoyed how he addressed me by name after every sentence. I think he likes me. He says if I recruit 30 of my closest friends to work for me, (yes for me) then he would take me out to dinner! And if that’s too complicated, he also said I could blow him!
- 9/8/23
I am so tired. Apparently our sign up numbers are not high enough. After 8 hours in the hot sun, all Fizz team members are supposed to meet for some sort of ritual tonight at midnight. I think Josh is in a bad mood or something. Hopefully I can cheer him up.
- 9/9/23
All I can remember from last night is getting to Josh’s house before everyone else. A live Fizz feed played on the TV. Except every post was the same. “All Fizz and no play makes Josh a Dull Boy.” From behind me the door creaks open and then my mind goes blank.
