*This is an article from the humor section, not real news.*
Today is my first day of college and I am so excited! I already made one new friend during orientation, and she has a job for me! A new cutting edge and pioneering anonymous Twitter-like app is coming to colleges near me. So, this morning, I pulled on my Lululemon leggings and my oversized hoodie. I threw my hair into a messy bun, laced up my Converse, donned my new white and purple bucket hat and signed my first contract with Fizz!
No class today so I’m on the clock with Fizz! This morning at 5 a.m. I knocked on everyone’s door in my hall to make sure they knew about this exciting new venture. Most people were a little upset, but I enthusiastically told them that if they scanned this QR code AND made an account, they could win a doughnut and a cool hat like mine.
Jumped on a Zoom call with my cool new boss, Josh! I really enjoyed how he addressed me by name after every sentence. I think he likes me. He says if I recruit 30 of my closest friends to work for me, (yes for me) then he would take me out to dinner! And if that’s too complicated, he also said I could blow him!
I am so tired. Apparently our sign up numbers are not high enough. After 8 hours in the hot sun, all Fizz team members are supposed to meet for some sort of ritual tonight at midnight. I think Josh is in a bad mood or something. Hopefully I can cheer him up.
All I can remember from last night is getting to Josh’s house before everyone else. A live Fizz feed played on the TV. Except every post was the same. “All Fizz and no play makes Josh a Dull Boy.” From behind me the door creaks open and then my mind goes blank.