The news-worthy question on everyone’s mind: who will host Wellesley Drag next semester with Bimbo Babka, Drag’s founding host, escaping to Berlin? As an investigative journalist, I have made it my personal duty to conduct a thorough examination of the imminent transfer of power. Since I know we are all concerned with what this leadership shift will mean for our community, I needed to get to the bottom and the top behind this regime change. The passing of the barely-functioning microphone will be to none other than former New York Congressman, and notable “it girl,” George Santos. Using the entirety of our SOFC funding (400 dollars), I was able to secure a Cameo interview with Santos and Bimbo Babka.
Babka and Santos go way back; the two met while at a support group for people whose parents did not die in 9/11. “We just connected over being jew-ish and being from New York,” said Bimbo Babka. They further hit it off when Santos was performing at a drag show in 2008. Bimbo Babka, who was six at the time, was, by sheer coincidence, producing the show. Babka recognized his pure, raw, untapped, talent and decided to take Santos under their sparkly wing.
When asked what business he had on campus at Wellesley College, the 34-year-old (expelled) Model UN participant replied “Sue me for having a life.”
“Bimbo has always looked out for me, so when they heard I was between gigs, naturally they thought of me first for this esteemed position.”
WHAT HE BRINGS TO THE TABLE:
Santos explains his extensive experience with Ponzi schemes will add to the Wellesley Drag experience, for he plans to have each audience member bring at least one popper with them to gain entry. To prepare for this role, he has been quietly coming to every drag of the last semester, disguised as a two Northeastern students in a trench coat, diligently observing the event.
Even Babka thinks he’s ready to assume command, saying, “I’ve shown him the ropes, taught him everything I know, there is no other scheming gay icon I’d rather have fill in for me in my absence.”
Armed with courage and conviction(s), Santos bravely promises to put his whole legislative body into this, heading Wellesley Drag with a congressional twist.