The Greatest Playlist Ever
We’ve all made the greatest playlist ever. We’ve all been the first person to compile a playlist to which you…
Read MoreThe Wellesley Snooze
The Wellesley Snooze is the satire section of The Wellesley News. It operates independently from the Newsroom and Editorial Board.
Refugees from war-torn and drought-ridden Mount Olympus find U.S. “Melting Pot” to be cold congealed pot of hostility
As a result of Hades’ abduction of Persephone and Demeter’s subsequent environmental retaliation, prominent Mt. Olympus citizens have sought refuge…
Read MoreA Colorful Crowd
The Head of the Charles Regatta (HOCR), the world’s largest two-day regatta, is upon us. I’m five foot eight, but…
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Eleven alternative fun facts that will leave people guessing, but not enough to ask follow up questions
This September has brought with it a slew of anti-fun fact memes, each created in opposition to the heinous first…
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Silly Man on Amtrak
Thursday, 6:30 p.m., sitting at a booth in the food car: Man with briefcase, aged 40 or so, already grey:…
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The Wellesley Blues
It is to be expected that many people romanticize the beginning of the school year: leaves turning color; a hint…
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The Smoker’s Bench: Where Are They Now?
“Do you have a light?” A friendship ignited. In the Bates courtyard, there exists a magical bench that facilitates one…
Read MoreWellesley College introduces new courses for Spring 2017 semester
PHIL 267: Nihilistic Aspirations This course will fulfill the epistemology and cognition requirement for aspiring hipsters who want to have…
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Pom Senior Sets Controversial Record for Most Wellesley Chops
In reports drawn from Facebook and corroborated by friends, The Wellesley News has uncovered that Pomeroy resident Hailey Benson has…
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The Alchemist’s Open Letter to Wellesley
No, first year, I’m not talking about the 9:40 p.m. bus you take from Wellesley — there isn’t a 9:40….
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