Class of ’26 merch catastrophe
Since we all agree the options for class of ‘26 merch were undeniably ugly, irrelevent, or simply had no right…
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The Wellesley Snooze is the satire section of The Wellesley News. It operates independently from the Newsroom and Editorial Board.
Spring Break
Next week on Wellesley Girls Gone Wild, the most uptight college students you’ve ever seen will be unleashed onto beaches…
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Geese on Strike: Demanding fair compensation for Wellesley’s unofficial mascot
The geese, often seen grazing on sev green, shitting everywhere, walking exceptionally slowly in front of you, and performing sinister…
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Miss Me With That Gay Shit
What does Wellesley mean by women’s college? Vagina. Monday, March 6, 2023, Wellesley College President Paula Johnson came out with…
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Tower House Prez Emails
Over the course of the past few weeks, Tower Court residents have engaged in slightly more debauchery than usual. As…
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Worst Human Being You’ve Ever Met Validated by Stone Center Therapist
Stating that she was “allowed to feel upset about this,” the Stone Center just validated the worst human being you’ve…
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Are YOU Chronically Online?
Here at the Snooze, we’ve developed a scientific process to tell whether people at this prestigious institution suffer from the…
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Levels of Objectification
In honor of this year’s International Women’s Day (March 8, 2023), the Snooze has decided to participate in the objectification…
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Congratulations, Dr. Paula Johnson, nepo baby extraordinaire!
On Dec. 19, New York Magazine published a cover-to-cover exposé analyzing and critiquing Hollywood’s nepo-baby boom, dubbing 2022 “The Year…
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Almost Presidents Day
On Feb. 20, Wellesley College students celebrated their sixth annual “Almost Presidents Day.” Students took part in traditional mourning ceremonies…
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