rebeccabirnbach619
Graphic courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach
“Lavender Haze”
You make wedding Pinterest boards. For the men (Timothée Chalamet) on your “future husband” Pinterest board. For your future life (photos of unrealistically large Tribeca apartments) Pinterest board.
“Maroon”
Your Rice Purity Score is still 97.
“Anti-Hero”
You cried when the queen died.
“Snow On The Beach (ft. Lana del Rey)”
You thought you were cool for running a black market slime business in 8th grade. You still bring this up in your senior year of college. It’s why you’re an econ major.
“You’re On Your Own, Kid”
You were abandoned as a child.
“Midnight Rain”
No bitches?
“Question…?”
You spend four hours a day on WikiHow.
“Vigilante Shit”
You shoplift from Brandy Melville.
“Bejeweled”
“Labyrinth”
You need therapy.
“Karma”
You’re currently trying very hard (a little too hard) to be TikTok famous.
“Sweet Nothing”
You think you can sing, but you can’t, and no one has the heart to tell you that your voice sounds like Trisha Paytas queefing.
“Mastermind”
You’re a STEM major who failed the QR placement test. Some advice: spare the theatrics and just focus on passing Calc 115.