You might want to hold your horses and put away your one-person pity party, for hot singles in YOUR area are in desperate need of your company.

Gisele Bündchen
All she asks is that you don’t try to win more than seven Super Bowls.

Your Lone Sock
After losing her husband to the laundry machine and receiving zero Hinge matches, your lone sock has been feeling a little down. Be the one to feed her chocolate-covered Tide pods this Feb. 14.

That Hot Professor
Just go for it! They could lose their job, but you can’t put a price on love. <3

Tower Court Dining
It’s always Bates this, Lulu that. Doesn’t anyone want ol’ little Tower Court and her overcooked broccoli

The Bates Vagina Statue
… needs a McAfee strap-on.

George Santos
Just a nice “Jew…ish” boy with a very big “pen…ish”

Yung Gravy
Senior citizens only.