"The preparations" Graphic courtesy of Eleanor Ahn
Within the next week or two, biracial Mormon Messiah Beef Bourguignon Smith will grace the sunny suburbs of Los Angeles with their gourmet, farm-fresh presence. The third child of models Nara and Lucky Blue Smith, this baby’s diet is going to be more organic and nutritious than a stick of Native deodorant. We contacted Nara Smith for her future baby’s newborn meal plan, so that all aspiring mothers on campus can follow in her tradwife footsteps.
Monday: BB Smith is going to kick off their eating journey with Super Milk. Super Milk is a blended combination of every type of milk in the world: almond, soy, oat, cashew and human breast.
Tuesday: Like all hip moms, Nara Smith is planning to eat her own placenta. But, seeing as BB Smith will not have teeth within their second day of existence, Nara plans on making a nice foie gras for the wee babe.
Wednesday: BB has made it halfway through their first week of life! To celebrate, almond auntie Yolanda Hadid will bring over a nice cup of bone broth. Maybe some warm lemon water, too, if she’s feeling generous.
Thursday: It’s time for this baby to get some fiber. As a snack, Nara has pre-chopped a plate of fuzzy peach skins for the baby to teeth on.
Friday: TGIF! Although Nara hates fast food, a baby’s first In-N-Out burger is a huge milestone for influencer babies. Blend your soda and animal style fries together for a decadent, baby-appropriate smoothie.
Saturday: By this point in the week, Nara is exhausted from all the cooking. She’ll hand the baby a slice of avocado toast with Sriracha mayo and call it a day.
Sunday: Due to BB Smith’s hyper nutritious meal plan and divine origins, they will have fully formed adult teeth by the time the Lord’s day of rest rolls around. They will enjoy a traditional Sunday pot roast, as well as popcorn and jawbreakers to test the strength