The Comedy Column: Courses should teach students to survive the everyday

by Broti Gupta ’16, Staff Columnist

The first semester is about halfway done, and you know what that means: course registration—Wellesley’s biannual Christmas! I don’t know about you, but I am hoping some of these courses appear in our next course catalog.

1. BISC 450: Eye Contact
Do you forget how to make eye contact with another human whenever they say one or more sentences to you? Do you get nervous when you’re not tweeting while sitting at a meeting? Are you angry that that last sentence rhymed? Look no further! Or do, because that’s the point of this class! You’ll learn the invaluable skill of putting your iPhone down while your mother talks to you.

2. HIST 190: Learning Obamacare for Dinner Parties
Tired of blaming “Congress” in front of other people who know everything about the Obama administration, and praying to God that those people won’t ask you why you blame Congress? After taking this course, students will know enough about Obamacare to halfheartedly engage in conversation on the subject. In addition, students will master the art of beginning their own discussions of Obamacare in order to make everyone who doesn’t know about the subject feel awkward in the process. “I was there once,” you’ll say to yourself. “Thank God I took that course, though. I can only imagine the indigestion everyone but me is experiencing!”
Prerequisite: HIST 189: “What Happened in Syria for Brunch Conversations.”

3. SOC 345: From the IRS to AIDS: Acronyms You Should Know As an Adult
Find yourself confused with acronyms? Under the impression that SARS is the government agency that collects taxes? This course will teach you everything you need to know about relevant acronyms. You will no longer have to pretend to fall asleep when your friends talk about their opinions of the GOP, and by the end of the semester, you’ll practically know a code language. The sentence “UNESCO was created during the ECO/CONF after the UNCIO” should make sense by the end of the semester.

4. MUS 130: Choruses of the iTunes Top 50 Songs
If you happen to mouth out the words “juicy watermelon” at parties, pretending like you know the song that’s playing, this course may be the right one for you. Here, you’ll review at least the choruses of all of the iTunes Top 50 Songs, just enough to sort of dance and sing along without feeling the need to retreat to the couch next to the coat piles. Next semester, we’ll offer the 200-level equivalent of this course: “Michael Jackson’s Thriller Dance for Weddings.”

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