***Editor’s Note: This article was published as part of the satirical April 1, 2016 issue.
This past week, the CWS held a second career fair for arts and humanities majors. To demonstrate that they really had something for everybody, the event was organized by major—excluding Cinema and Media Studies (CAMS). When asked, a CWS representative said: “We simply didn’t have enough room, and CAMS is basically a less employable version of MAS, right?” The career fair was held in Pendleton Atrium, as Tishman was already reserved for a talk by a visiting journalist. While students were thrilled with the opportunity to actually hand out some of the resumes they printed months ago, many still expressed concerns.
A table which was supposedly geared for studio arts majors was stocked full of colorful construction paper, Crayola markers, and a couple boxes of unnecessary glitter. Students passed by it and stared in puzzlement. What could this mean? It turned out that CWS couldn’t find anyone to fill the “artsy” table, so they decided to take things into their own hands. “If they want me to play the starving artist, I can,” said one student, shoving a bunch of crafts supplies into her bag and then leaving.
Bordering the “studio arts” table was a massive row of tables decked in professional pamphlets creatively set in varying shades of monotone gray. Numerous grad school representatives were also present, attempting to wave cautious students to their tables. “We’re looking for students who have a passion for more learning, especially since with an arts or humanities degree it’s pretty much impossible to get a decent paying job. So we’re here to delay the process for them,” a grad school rep said proudly. “We’re mainly targeting people who go to those booths too,” she said, pointing
to the English, history and philosophy booths, crammed together into two tables. None of the booths had any of the signature swag and merchandise found at the earlier career fair, and when asked, an art history rep said, “Oh yeah, we just can’t afford it.”
While they focused on juniors and seniors, the CWS also brought in representatives from various STEM departments, specially geared towards first years and sophomores. “We’re not saying they should switch to CS or Economics, we just want them to know that there’s still time. It’s never too lateto give up on your dreams,” a CWS rep said, before adding: “double majoring is also a good option. We just want to keep everyone’s options open. You don’t have to declare until the end of sophomore year!”
The fair ended with little fanfare, students leaving the career fair with mixed feelings. While some felt it helpful and decided to reevaluate their choices in becoming an arts or humanities majors, others felt the fair even less useful than the last one CWS hosted. However, the CWS was extremely optimistic: “We’ve got a whole lineup of events for arts and humanities majors. We’ve invited several alums who have been very successful in various artistic pursuits. And none of them even majored in anything vaguely artistic!” The rep paused before adding, “We’re not saying that you’ll be more successful in the humanities if you’re not a humanities major, but if you think that, who are we to say you’re wrong?”
Their excitement was overflowing, and the office released a statement after the fair, citing it “the most successful career fair for arts and humanities majors since 1875.” They hope to double its success next year.