This article is from The Wellesley News’ annual satire edition.
Wellesley students and staff have many things to say about the readdition of the infamous bison head in the Science Center.
- Wendy ’26: “Dear God, the eyes follow you. It’s like the Mona Lisa.”
- Wanda ’23: “It reminds me of my boyfriend. … I have really low standards … he’s nice, I promise.”
- Willow ’25: “A world record for clogged toilets, frigid and scalding showers, fire alarms and diarrhea-inducing food, yet we get a fucking head?”
- Wilma ’24: “I need a different type of head at this point. Should have been me.”
- Willa ’23: “Take a shot out of the bison head every time you fail a quiz in Sci.” *proceeds to black out*
- Winona ’25: “Bi-son or humanities major daughter?”
- Winnie ’26: “I made a list of famous Wellesley celebrities: Hillary Clinton ’69, Katharine Lee Bates ’80, Bison Head and Paula Johnson’s left tit.”
- Wren ’24: “I heard that the ES department is planning to dump red paint on the bison head. Or steal it. Idk. Don’t tell anyone though.”
- Willie ’23 (English and WGST double major): “What bison?”
- Waverly ’23: “It’s the furry agenda. I heard that the Wellesley News Head Managing Editor wants to fuck it.”
- Professor Willy Wilson: “The domesticated living bison belonged to the Wellesley College Hall before it burned down — it was their official pet. The only part of it that survived the fire was the head, so it’s put up as a memorial in the Science Center.”
