What Wellesley students really want…
Hello loyal Snooze readers! As we enter reading period, we know that you and your fellow sibs are growing desperate, scrambling to get your grades up, settling next semester plans, or smoking weed at least one more time before being trapped in your childhood bedroom. This week, we have given you all an opportunity to ask for what you need and hopefully someone, somewhere, will help you.
Seeking: A kind-hearted Wellesley-sib with a recently refilled adderall prescription (ritalin acceptable, vyvanse not preferred). Willing to sell!
This semester, I enrolled myself in intro level chem, calculus, and bio! Unfortunately, I made the decision about a month ago to stop going to lecture and instead spend some quality time in my bed accompanied by my vape and episodes of “The Nanny.” This was going swimmingly until a recent call with my parents when they explained that if I did not come home with straight As, they would be cutting me off. This is where you, dear friend, come in handy. I am looking for 15-20 pills in order to assist me in my studying. Will compensate with unused flex points.
Could Use: Somebody.
I’ve been: roaming around/ Always looking down at all I see/ You know that I could use somebodayyuh/ you know that I could use somebodayyuhhhhhhh/ Someone like youuuuuuuuuuuuu
Seeking: An invite to a party (any).
It turns out people attend parties off campus, I think. Why am I just now finding out about this?? Week after week, I post my pleas to Sidechat. “Any parties happening this weekend?” and to my dismay, there ne’r be a single reply. Yet why am I seeing, what I assume are frat basements, in my fellow sibs’ semester recap posts? CLEARLY THERE ARE PARTIES GOING ON! God, I’ve had enough of all this gatekeeping bullcrap.
Trade: Would love to exchange a full punch pass for one package of those skinny cigarettes that taste like grapes.
One month ago today I had the pleasure of enjoying an object which smoked like a cigarette and tasted like an elf bar. Long and skinny with a delightful snap at the beginning, an angel at steps bestowed this kindness on me. Please let me know if you can offer again.
Need: A fucking break.
Dear God! Please!
Selling: Loud and fat cat.
I loved, loved, loved having an emotional support animal this semester, but unfortunately, no one has responded to my job posting to cat sit over winter break. This is incredibly surprising given it seems so fun and I know how many people would love to spend winter break in the dorms with an extra 25 dollars in their pocket. I really wish I could leave Mittens here by herself for 5 weeks, but my therapist told me that was a bad idea. So instead, I have decided to give Mittens a new home! Looking forward to meeting her new owners (or I will be releasing her into the wild).
Wanted: 500+ LinkedIn connections.
I’m a first-year applying for summer internships. I’m thinking Morgan or Goldman, but at this point my investment banking dreams aren’t going anywhere besides my daily affirmations journal. This is all because I have been stuck at 487 connections for the past few months. At this rate even Citi is a reach. Please, I’m begging thirteen of you, I don’t even care if you won’t expand my network by that much.
Seeking: MIT boyfriend with strong multivariable calculus skills. Lots of free time!
I am: beautiful blonde, Connecticut based, funny, intelligent, enrolled in multivariable calculus. I am looking for: over 6’ 2”, finance major, junior or senior, MIT student, who has taken multivariable calculus. Looking forward to combining my passions for instagram forward relationships and academic dishonesty. Please reach out by the date of my (take home, closed note) exam, Wednesday the 21st.
But at what cost?
For Rent: My roommates bed.
Hi all! As a perspective Econ major, I’m always looking for ways to diversify my income. My 101 prof told us the best way to do so is to get involved with the real estate market. This is perfect timing, because my roommate left on LDOC because she didn’t have any real exams (is English even a real major lol)! Anyway, I am looking for a suitable candidate to sublet her bed half of our spacious and luxurious dingle. Features and amenities include: exposed pipe, hard wood floors, not one but two windows, and for an extra fee I’d be willing to let you occupy up to half of the freezer and one shelf of the mini fridge. Desired characteristics: quiet, organized, and GPA over 3.5. Reach out for price inquiries. Irish need not apply.