Live your best lives, ladies

Everyone knows Wellesley students and administration love to tout the accomplishments of alumnae who go on to do amazing things that improve the world. Many a first year describes their desire to “be the next Hillary Clinton” or make their mark in finance, journalism or business. But aren’t we doing a disservice to future generations of Wellesley women when we don’t remind them of all the glass ceilings yet to be broken? Why do men get to be the face of terrorism, oppression and exploitation? Wellesley women will be the change. Sorry misogynists, women can be evil too!

Drone strike(h)er

Have you ever noticed how the U.S. president (always a man!) gets to okay drone strikes in Pakistan, Yemen, Somalia or wherever else? What about civilian drone strikes? Exact casualties are hard to determine because of discrepancies between U.S. counts and independent ones, but I can tell you one thing for sure: Put a woman in charge, and she could double the countries we’re hitting in no time! Men are all talk, but women Get. Things. Done.

CIA tortHER

Who says men get to have all the glory of torturing U.S. enemies? Women have an untapped potential to extract confessions from suspected terrorists and hold them without charges at Guantanamo. And remember, it’s not tortue, it’s “enhanced femterrogation.” Empowered women empower women, so if participating in war crimes empowers you, get it girl!

Union busting boss babe

Busy girl bosses on-the-go don’t have time to negotiate with unions, and figure out boring details like complying with labor laws. Sure, critics will have some nasty things to say (would you say that if she was a man?) but haters gonna hate! Put your hair in a messy bun, have your criminally underpaid assistant get you some coffee, and handle it!