Part 1: Realising you are still alive

After five days in the trenches of undergraduate academia, deadlines whistling by our heads at every turn and the foreboding thunder of midterms on the horizon, today proved to be an eerie calm. All of our comrades were still weary from the days of battle that had seemed to blend together, and thus we took today as a day of rest. We feasted on rations of chicken purchased from a supplier that holds dear many of the harmful institutions that we were in fact fighting to topple, but alas the allure of their fil-As was too strong to resist indefinitely. Our meandering discussions of nothing of consequence and yet everything of consequence lasted long into the night interspersed with only the wistful melodies of songs that reminded us of simpler times, and at the end of the night “I found someone to carry me home.”

Part 2: Ventures to far away and mysterious lands

We started today with a new kind of energy and triumphantly set out on a long and arduous trek across a campus that only days before had been the sight of our battles. We endured blistering winds insistent on pushing us back to where we came from and traversed more hills than it seemed physically possible to fit within the space of our journey all in the name of seeing friends that seemed to exist in an alternate dimension but in reality only lived a few minutes away. Still our thirst for adventure was not quenched and so we boarded a beast known to the younger generation as “the loco” and to the veterans as “the peter” and headed into the city of the coeds. While the inhabitants of the city are also part of the undergraduate creed, they exhibit traits totally foreign to us including a completely unwarranted sense of self-importance but also the miraculous ability to separate their identity from their student woes. And for the night with the help of an elixir or two we adopt these strange traits.

Part 3: An undying dedication to the good fight

The portion of the day we are actually concussious for we spend taking stock and slowly chipping away at preparations for the next battle. We are fully dedicated to the completion of this task and are not at all distracted by the temptation to observe British bakers compete for dominance or the municipal employees of Pawnee, Indiana execute their duties. 

Part 4: The return to reality

We realized that we have gravely miscalculated the amount of preparation required to re-enter our real lives and mentally prepare ourselves for the ensuing slaughter.