Stating that she was “allowed to feel upset about this,” the Stone Center just validated the worst human being you’ve ever met. In her latest therapy session, Wendy Wellesley complained about the lack of high surveillance during online language tests. “ I just don’t understand,” Wendy whined, “Language tests are so easy not to follow the honor code. I think other students should be watched more.” Nodding, the therapist asked if she had “ever been stressed and let work slide.” Wendy looked aghast and stated that she “would never, ever, break the honor code.” In a stunning upset, her therapist nodded, allowing her to continue her pro-honor-code-fueled rant. In shocking reports, Wendy then began to suggest that quiet hours should be changed to 8 p.m. forward on the weekends, as “Wellesley students party way too much.” 

Wendy also reported incidents of bullying to the Stone Center, stating that the slur “narc” was used against her for her valiant protest against smokers at the steps. Additionally Wendy explained that as someone who has consistently identified as a woman, she has “felt pressured to describe Wellesley as a historically women’s college,” and has been unjustly and publicly criticized for calling it an “all girls school.” Wendy also recently looked into filing a Title IX complaint against some of her peers for discrimination on the basis of her being straight (they didn’t let her into the D*ke Ball).

Wendy always knew she was a victim, but without help from the trusty team of councilors at the Stone Center, she never would’ve had the courage to take her well deserved seven mental health days off. 

*Please note the Stone Center therapist did not violate HIPPA’s patient confidentiality laws, we actually didn’t even interview them. Because to nobody’s surprise, Wendy trauma dumped this all to her lab partner after being asked why she hadn’t done any of her share of the work.