The geese, often seen grazing on sev green, shitting everywhere, walking exceptionally slowly in front of you, and performing sinister rituals by the water under the cover of darkness, went on strike yesterday. As Wellesley’s own unofficial mascot, they are tired of the #hate and #lies spread about them on the internet. They are upset about the lack of royalties for using their likeness on college merch, and wish that we would just build them a little house by the lake. A Goose agreed to an interview; here is what he had to say.

Raines: So what is the atmosphere like today on the green?

Goose: Honk honk honk honk honk HONK honk HoNK honk. 

Raines: Wow that is just so great to hear, I’m so pleased that you guys feel like you really may accomplish something. I hear that you have a meeting set up with the board of trustees, can you briefly state for the public your demands, and a little bit about what you hope to accomplish in this meeting.

Goose: Honk honk honk  honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk hiss hiss hiss hiss HISSSSSS hissssss. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk hiss, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk hiss hiss honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk. Honk honk honk honk. Honk honk honk. Honk honk, honk honk honk. Hiss hiss hiss hiss hiss. Hiss hiss. Honk honk hiss honk honk hiss hiss honk. 

We heard some pretty strong language used so it’s clear that these geese are not here to mess around. Wellesley College better duck and hide, because these geese are proven to be dangerous. We interviewed Anna Li, a sophomore here about this subject on the paths yesterday.

Raines: How do you feel about the goose strike?

Anna: I just hope the administration will hear them out, because we can’t have this. The geese are a beloved part of this campus, I once was attacked by one and I can honestly say it was probably the best moment of my Wellesley experience.

This interview was cut short by Anna once again getting attacked by a goose. 

*While our interviews were somewhat short and sweet, we hope that you all will take this matter seriously, as the geese have been known to take hostages before. And get building Wellesley College, these geese want a chateau.