Tom Blyth (AKA reigning White Boy of the Month) (AKA my favorite)

You are a sucker for open communication, and you probably were giggling and kicking your feet while watching “The Hunger Games: the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.” You also can’t tell if you’re actually attracted to Tom Blyth or if you’re just attracted to young President Snow.  Your friends are slightly concerned about the way you excuse fascism when the fascist in question has a blonde buzzcut. They also think you have bad taste in men, but they just don’t get it because you’re operating on a higher plane than them!!

Josh Hutcherson (October/Early-November)

He may be a little old-fashioned and out of date, but he’s yours!! You stick to the classics, and you love a comeback. You like to rewatch the same shows and movies over and over because they’re comforting and familiar. Most likely, you rewatched the entire “Hunger Games” series in October. You probably also had a “Five Nights at Freddy’s” phase in middle school and saw the movie to connect to your inner-child. But you also long to go to the past a little too much. 

Jacob Elordi (November/Early-December)

This one depends on which Jacob Elordi character awakened your parasocial relationship with him. If you found yourself attracted to him in “Euphoria” or “Priscilla,” I’m worried for you? If you’re a “Kissing Booth” stan, you probably are twelve and cried yourself to sleep when he said he hated filming those movies. And if you didn’t see the vision until you watched “Saltburn,” well you’re a bit hard to understand but you’ve got taste!

Corey Mylchreest (May)

You are a mom or over the age of 35. You probably found yourself down a rabbit-hole of Queen Charlotte promotional interviews and became deeply invested in whatever was going on between him and India Amarteifio.