1. A cat distribution system.

People with allergies may opt to receive hairless cats instead. Allergy meds could also be provided for a small fee of $24/pill.

2. Color in Florida.

Why does America have a tail? What are we, FURRIES!?

3. Fluffy pink cushions on public benches.

Those nails can be really uncomfortable to sit on. A pillow to sleep on would also be nice.

4. Bring Happy Hour to Massachusetts.

Screw the Puratains. Also, we should be able to buy alcohol on Sundays.

5. Free pomegranates every Sunday.

Even if they’re not in season.

6. Total Bath & Body Works ban.

It’s NOT a replacement for showering.

7. Nap time for high schoolers and college students.

A suitable alternative for Wellesley students who think the PE Yoga class is too strenuous.

8. The five-second rule.

Government intervention makes food safety legitimate, right?

9. A functioning healthcare system that isn’t built on insurance monopolies that strip the lower class of their access to vital care.

This is negotiable.

10. Public bounce houses.

It’s nice to have a little bounce. A public ball pit is a welcome alternative.