“You will be fine! You are shadow-graded! Just go have some fun!” My friends always comfort me with “shadow grading” when I am stressed out about tests. While your first semester grades will not be publicly revealed, the inner insecurity of “not doing well enough” always haunts first-year students, particularly students of color, in striving for those elusive A’s (even though no one seems to care).
The root of these insecurities stems from our pasts as high-achieving students. A popular TikTok video captures the mindset of many Wellesley students: “My biggest competitor is my high school self, who maintained a 4.0 GPA, was president of three clubs and graduated as valedictorian.”
Before coming to Wellesley, we were used to being at the top most of the time, if not all of the time. Success felt like a necessity, and the fear of mediocrity was ingrained in us. Yet Wellesley proves us wrong. Here, everyone was a top student. As a result, many students suffer from imposter syndrome and feel they need the grades to prove they belong.
Yet students of color face additional layers of pressure to maintain decent grades because of racial bias. Even though the Supreme Court overruled Affirmative Action in higher education, many students of color still face dismissal of their accomplishments with the insinuation or outright accusation that they must be the “diversity admission.” This unfounded stigma increases the pressure on these students to excel academically to counter these harmful assumptions.
For Asian students, the pressure can come in a different forms, both societal and familiar. As the joke goes: “You are ‘A’sians not ‘B’sians.” This joke reveals our fear of a bad grade, stemming from tying grades to our ethnic identity. Moreover, some traditional Asian parents perceive anything but an A as a failure, reinforcing the fear of receiving a bad grade. I remember crying with my Asian friends over getting an “A-” in math during my first year of high school. While it seems immature in hindsight, it reflects the common belief that anything below an “A” is bad and devastating.
While it might sound cliché, establishing a strong support system is crucial. Building a network of mentors, friends and counselors can assist you in navigating stress and challenges in your academic life. Moreover, finding hobbies (they have to be irrelevant to grad school or job applications) that bring you a sense of accomplishment and joy also helps you to appreciate life beyond your transcript.
These activities serve as important reminders of your worth beyond academics, providing a much-needed break from the pressure to be perfect and helping you bounce back after setbacks. Now, go touch some grass instead of worrying about your upcoming finals.
Contact the editor(s) responsible for this story: Caitlin Donovan
