Maybe you went home for Thanksgiving, or maybe you went to a nearby friend’s house. Or, maybe you stayed at Wellesley to catch up on work and make a Thanksgiving depression meal out of the snacks lying around your room, Charlie Brown style. No matter what, Thanksgiving probably forces you to interact with people you’d probably like to escape talking to. When the November holiday turns into political debates, or someone decides to rehash the old family “secret” that you talk about every year, all you can really do is laugh about it and maybe play some kind of drinking game.
Sagittarius – your cousin’s toddler
The price of being a small child at Thanksgiving is that everyone turns to you when there’s a lull in the conversation. “Oh, isn’t he so cute! Mashed potatoes all over his face!” In return, the toddler is the only one who can ask the straight-up rude questions everyone is thinking, like why grandma dyed her hair that ugly shade of red.
Capricorn – your mom
Your mom desperately wants everyone to get along. While your grandpa and uncle are screaming at each other over some fight that really doesn’t matter, your mom is doing everything she can to get everyone to agree that Aunt Cheryl outdid herself on the pecan pie this year.
Aquarius – your little brother
Just back from starting his freshman year, your brother is full of optimism and wants to show off his newfound knowledge. He genuinely believes that if he can just get your grandpa to read a few Jacobin articles, he’ll come around to socialism!
Pisces – grandma’s dog
The true hero of the day, the dog will happily eat the leftovers of any dishes that didn’t come out quite right. He also gives a great excuse to anyone who needs a break from the family, as long as they keep petting him.
Aries – grandma
Grandma isn’t afraid to be blunt, but be prepared not to say anything harsh back because, as she’ll remind you, she spent 3 days slaving away in the kitchen! Be prepared to answer or deflect questions like “Why didn’t you graduate early like your cousin? You expect to make money doing that? Why did you and Tom break up again? He was such a nice boy!”.
Taurus – grandpa
Grandpa is mostly quiet and doesn’t say anything to his wife, even when she’s obviously asking rude questions. He knows when to shut up, but when she leaves the room he’ll make you a drink.
Gemini – your fighting aunt and uncle
Seemingly polar opposites, your aunt and uncle have been at each other’s throats every Thanksgiving for as long as you can remember. They’re willing to fight about anything: politics, religion, which flavor of pie is best, etc. Don’t expect a divorce anytime soon though, they both seem to revel in the constant fighting.
Cancer – your cousin’s newish boyfriend
Your cousin has only been seeing Teddy for a few months and was iffy on inviting him to a family holiday. Not sensing this hesitation, he takes the opportunity to propose after dessert. Chaos ensues.
Leo – wine aunt
Everyone has a relative like her: she shares memes of minions drinking on Facebook, always has a drink in her hand and told you it was “wine o’clock” at 10 a.m. She’s fun until about 3 p.m., when you can find her napping on the couch.
Virgo – friend your cousin brought
Everyone is welcome at your family’s Thanksgiving, so your cousin’s coworker who has no family in town was invited. Surprisingly, she and your grandma become fast friends and are soon swapping recipes.
Libra – junior high cousin
Alexis is in 7th grade and although you’re only 20 she makes you feel a thousand years old. When she’s not on her phone, she’s asking if you know different pop stars and slang. You try to connect with her by asking if she has a “finsta,” but she rolls her eyes and says that’s for old people now.
Scorpio – your great aunt
Although she’s older than most of the other guests, Great Aunt Mildred is probably the most fun to hang out with. She’s full of cool stories, like the time she met Bobby Kennedy, and she always loves recounting all the proposals she’s turned down. Grab a seat next to her if you can.
