This past week, Wellesley College revealed its newest admission policy in hopes of creating the ideal student body population. Wellesley administration learned about the popularity and strength of astrology from the uptick in usage of the app “Co-Star” by its students and immediately made an account. Co-Star allows friends to view how compatible they are based on their astrological charts. Wellesley will now require all applicants to make a Co-Star account as part of their application, and only those with at least a 60 percent match with Wellesley College will be considered for acceptance. 

Wellesley has made it clear that applicants of certain astrological signs will have a higher chance of acceptance. For example, Wellesley will tend to prefer Virgos for their organization and tendency to always clean up after themselves, Scorpios for their intensity and drive and Aquariuses for their hyper rationality and lack of unnecessary emotion. Wellesley admission admits that they prefer these traits as they are the hallmark of their most successful Wendy Wellesley’s. On the other hand, Cancers who tend to spend all their time crying in the library, Libras who switch their majors and orgs about twenty times per year and Capricorns who never use the weekends to study will be less likely to receive an acceptance letter. Signs like the creative yet sensitive Pisces, risk-taking yet warrior-like Aries, stubborn yet strong Taurus, two-faced yet adaptable Geminis, attention-craving yet generous Leos, and free yet flighty Sagittarii will most likely be placed on the waitlist for further consideration of their Co-Star accounts, specifically analyzing their rising and moon signs. 

When asked to comment on this new policy, the new director of admissions, Jane Smith, scoffed at me and refused to answer due to my “stereotypical Cancer traits.” I was only a little upset (photo of me after this interview included).