What is a Wendy? 

Wendy manages to take on just about everything and do it all perfectly. Of course this makes Wendys very attractive to potential mates and results in one of two likely romantic scenarios: 1. Wendys are in a fabulous romantic relationship that makes you seriously consider using the phrase “#couplegoals” even though it physically makes you cringe. 2. They are married to their work and as such have little time for dating and are thus contently single, despite having no shortage of options.

What is a Wanda?

Wanda only goes to her dorm to change and get new underwear, she does most of her sleeping in other people’s rooms. She’s been in relationships, flings, affairs, triads, diads, polycules and every other type of relationship or arrangement you can think of. She’s seen it all, and has even had marriage proposals. Let her break it down for you…

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Question: 

Dear Wendy and Wanda, 

Advice on dating a fellow Wendy? We’re both so focused on our academics and careers that sometimes we don’t have the emotional energy to be super committed in our romantic relationship. We’re trying to work out what’s best for us, both individually and together. Thanks and we’d appreciate any advice!

Sincerely,

Career-Driven Carrie

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Wendy Response

Dear fellow Wendy,

First let me say that Wanda may actually be your best bet for advice here. I will offer some advice on things that have worked for me in the past, but sometimes the best way to solve a Wendy problem is to try to channel your inner Wanda. 

I propose two elements to consider when trying to make space for a romantic relationship. They are basically inverses of one another, but  if you can dedicate some time to both, it will go a long way to maximizing your relationship building, while minimizing the amount of energy you have to put into it. 

The first element is interacting the time you devote to your academics and career goals with the quality time you spend with your partner. Don’t feel like because you want to focus on your romantic relationship with this person, that necessarily means you need to remove the massive academic element of your life from the equation. I am sure you are each facing tough choices in your school life: what internships or classes you want to pursue and how these fit into your long term career goals, and I am sure these questions are never far from your mind. I would make an active effort to discuss your inner career debates with your significant other. Even if their career goals are not analogous to yours, it can be very helpful to talk through your uncertainties with someone who is career-minded but also knows you as a person and has your best interests at heart. Also be sure that you can serve as a similar sounding board for them. This is a good way to foster your relationship without a lot of additional emotional energy as you are simply including your partner in an internal dialog you would have been having anyway. 

Alternatively, it is also important to set aside some time to bond, outside of the stresses of academics. This doesn’t have to be a set amount of time every week, but it might be a good goal to plan at least one activity every week. These don’t have to be grandiose, could be as simple as a dorm room movie night with just the two of you. That being said, some physical distance from campus can be a helpful mental queue to turn off the Wendy part of your brain and have some light-hearted fun, whatever form that takes for you and your girlfriend. Try things neither of you would do normally, or introduce your partner to things you like to do!

I hope this has helped a bit, though I will say that it sounds like you guys are on the right track. Considering your wants and needs both independently and in relation to your partner is a great first step. So long as you both realise that, though your connection might come naturally, maintaining a romantic relationship does require some effort, you will be just fine! 

Wanda Response

Birds of a feather flock together. There’s a reason why you are both attracted to each other and your hardwork and character. We don’t know your academic or career intentions but I feel like regardless there can be a way to create some overlap. Maybe have a study date together? Take a stroll around Clapp, hand in hand. There are ways to take your partner into account into your relationship while also devoting yourself to your academics. 

Frankly, nothing is hotter than hearing someone go off about something that they’re passionate about. Listening and learning about each of your partner’s subjects is something that could definitely engage your Wendy-ness as well as each other. 

God willing, your Wendy-ness isn’t on all the time and you take a moment to decompress and destress. Finding a way to do that together may also be nice and intimate. Yes I’m thinking sex, but I’m also thinking other things too. Even having your partner next to you while you do a facemask or play on your phone is a way you can spend time together while also making time for yourself. 

This should be given, but you should definitely be invested in your partner’s success and seeing and being with them while you are successful is a way to energize yourselves, each other and your relationship. Additionally, it is a way for you to both be Wendys in your relationship.

Other Wendy-esque things you can do with each other is uhh go to the museum, read poems to each other, walk and talk about important things? I don’t know, you came to this section for Wanda advice. 

REAL WANDA ADVICE would be to spend as much time as possible, clinging to the side of your partner until you are both sick of each other and then catching up on work. Have it all but just with no sleep! Or drop your major and just be your gal-pals groupie and hype her up and hope that her success can support you financially.