If you thought you were safe from theater kids pretending they’re in a gang, think again. Lin-Manuel Miranda, Broadway’s best (only) rapper and worst singer, has emerged with a new threat. Oct. 18, 2024, the brainchild of both the “Hamilton” mastermind and playwright Eisa Davis slyly crept onto the scene. We should have known something sinister was in the works when Miranda first began posting that grid image on Instagram, but we never could have anticipated a threat of this magnitude.

Based on the 1979 action movie “The Warriors,” the album follows, unsurprisingly, the Warriors, a gang of women from the second-most ridiculous-sounding NYC neighborhood (after Flushing)–– Coney Island. Obviously, the gender of the Warriors has been flipped from the original men, in a move fans have described as Miranda putting their fav film “in a wokehold,” and “Ghostbustering but without the only redeeming factor: Kate McKinnon.”

The star-studded vocal cast includes “Hamilton” alums Jasmine Cephas-Jones and Phillipa Soo as well as some unexpected faces, such as the Latin Grammy Award-Winning “Vivir Mi Vida” singer Marc Anthony and the presumptively blackmailed Ms. Lauryn Hill. No word on how Mr. Miranda extorted Ms. Lauryn Hill into the studio to record the song “If You Can Count,” but concerned citizens have expressed a need for an immediate wellness check on the “Doo Wop (That Thing)” singer.

Thankfully, there are currently no plans to bring this album to the stage. Similarly, none of the songs on the album have made any kind of impact on internet culture, so it seems your daily scrolls are safe from any unsolicited “Warriors” content. At this time, despite the overwhelming positive reviews of the album, it appears that we just might “Survive The Night.”