The Clapp Library renovation project will be coming to a close in time for the upcoming fall semester. Students are thrilled about the grand reopening of the same medium ugly library (this time with a big staircase!). But as the construction nears completion, the Stone Center has reported a surplus of students describing feeling an imminent sense of dread about a campus without big-ass scaffolding in the way. But those students can rest easier now.
Last week, the college announced that they’ve used all the excess funds, not by paying the non-tenure track faculty’s salaries, but by launching an exciting new partnership with the inventors of the Obnoxious-Puffer™ brand Canada Goose. As part of this revolutionary collaboration, Munger Hall will be destroyed completely and a state-of-the-art goose down jacket manufacturing facility will emerge from its ashes.
The partnership was approved in a unanimous vote of the trustees, citing exciting revenue prospects for the college and an innovative solution to the pesky geese poop problem on the path by Sev Green. Additionally, one trustee described the Munger Hall building itself to be “fugly as hell,” noting that the destruction of this building has “exciting implications” for a complete rebranding of the “Quint” as the “Quad,” dubbing it “the Liam Payne of the Quint.”
Student leaders involved in residential life have inquired about what will happen to the beloved annual “Munger Mash” Halloween party. A representative from Canada Goose confirmed that the brand will continue to host the Halloween party at this location, so long as res life agrees to call it “The Official Canada Goose Halloween Wellesley College Mash Party ®.” Canva enthusiasts raised design concerns about making effective spam with such a long title, but Canada Goose affirms that as long as at the bottom it says “??? [email protected]” at the bottom, everything should work out just fine.
New work-study student positions have already begun to be posted on Workday, so if you haven’t been able to get a stable campus job yet (which I know you haven’t), consider contributing to this groundbreaking new campus facility.
