On Dec. 19, New York Magazine published a cover-to-cover exposé analyzing and critiquing Hollywood’s nepo-baby boom, dubbing 2022 “The Year of the Nepo Baby.” However, although this problem might be most easily diagnosable in LA, privilege cannot be quarantined. Thus, the infectious disease that is nepotism has spread far and wide.

Here at Wellesley, we pride ourselves on being an equal opportunity institution where no one has ever been given a leg up because of their last name, legacy status, or family connections. That is why, on Feb. 14, our humble campus fell into complete pandemonium.

No matter how flabbergasted you may be, there’s no point in denying it anymore. We’ve identified a case of nepotism in our very own college President.

Yes, you read that right. Shockingly, Dr. Paula Johnson was appointed to be on the Board of Directors for the world’s-leading baby shampoo manufacturer, Johnson & Johnson. Like Lily-Rose Depp getting signed to be the face of Dior, this is yet another disgusting display of unqualified kids getting handed opportunities because of their family name.

“It’s a slap in the face, really. What business does a college president––with only like a three-decade-long career in public health––even have getting involved with big pharma? Plus isn’t it like problematic or something? That position definitely should’ve gone to someone more deserving and knowledgeable in that field. I mean, I’d heard about these types of things happening before, but I never imagined it could happen here. My great-great grandma would be horrified if she knew the president of the school she founded had such bad morals.” said Wendy Wellesley, ’26

President Johnson refused to comment and, as of right now, denies all allegations of any wrongdoing on her part. However, the story keeps unfolding—not only two days later, news broke that fellow nepo baby and “50 Shades of Gray” actress Dakota Johnson was also appointed to the Board.