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The student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901

The Wellesley News

The student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901

The Wellesley News

The student newspaper of Wellesley College since 1901

The Wellesley News

Rebecca Birnbach, Editor-in-Chief

Rebecca is a senior at Wellesley College. Yeah, she has a major or two… why, what’s it to you?

All content by Rebecca Birnbach
Editors corner: How to blame the Jews

Editors corner: How to blame the Jews

Rebecca Birnbach, Editor-in-Chief | March 5, 2026

Tuesday, March 2, 2026, Jews around the world celebrated Purim. A lively drunken night commemorating the story of Queen Esther, who risked her life to thwart the king’s viceroy, Haman (basically the...

Tweet describing an ick.

Sex and the suburbs: icks

Rebecca Birnbach, Columnist | February 20, 2025
Sex and the suburbs columnist Rebecca Birnbach covers icks. "Some are much easier to overlook while others will leave you with an everlasting visceral feeling of repulsion."
Graphic courtesy Rebecca Birnbach

Severance

Rebecca Birnbach, Snooze Managing Editor | February 5, 2025

Jan. 20, Wellesley College –– in an innovative move that has other institutions green with envy, Wellesley College has just unveiled its latest contribution to social justice: the Severed Dormitory....

Image credit: Wasiul Bahar (Wikimedia Commons)

Sex and the Suburbs: Lose the labels

Rebecca Birnbach | February 5, 2025

Sex and the Suburbs is a weekly column covering the struggles of Wellesley social life. To submit reader thoughts and comments to our columnist, you can use the following link: https://forms.gle/EyrwCGXidxdhkMuj8 First...

Sex and the Suburbs

Sex and the Suburbs

Rebecca Birnbach | December 4, 2024

Sex and the Suburbs is a weekly column covering the struggles of Wellesley social life. To submit reader thoughts and comments to our columnist, you can use the following link: https://forms.gle/EyrwCGXidxdhkMuj8 Nothing...

Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

An ode to Singh’s Cafe

Rebecca Birnbach | October 5, 2024

Oh, Singh’s Cafe, a gem so bright, Your speedy delivery fills me with delight. Your humble walls, with warmth embrace me, As I inhale the sweet scents of a mango lassi.   From spicy curries,...

Courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

Caption Contest

Rebecca Birnbach | September 18, 2024

Performance Nutrition for Athletes: Similarities in Diet Across Sports Teams - Blonde ‘28 I swear she does this every year - Kind-hearted Individual ‘26 Next year we should really specify...

"he's got a table at Mr. Purple." Graphic Courtesy Rebecca Birnbach

Barron Trump’s first day at NYU

Rebecca Birnbach | September 12, 2024

Hey, you look lost, are you new here? What’s your name? Barron Trump, you said? Son of Donald Trump, you said? Who’s that? Is he a big deal or something? Well anyway, nice to meet you too! How...

Picture of a regular cookie sheet in a Tower Court Oven. Image courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach.

Oh, If I Were in Charge

Rebecca Birnbach | March 27, 2024

Here at Wellesley, we tend to focus on the big picture. That’s great and all, we have quite a few major and systemic issues on campus. But the thing is, those big things often take up a majority of our...

Celebrity Interviews!

Celebrity Interviews!

Rebecca Birnbach | March 6, 2024

Stop applying to my UROP, I will never endorse you on Linkedin. - Dr., Astronaut, Bridgit Mendler Esq. on Wellesley students. . The truth is, I’m just in the studio working hard on my upcoming...

Dearest Wendy

Dearest Wendy

Rebecca Birnbach | February 7, 2024

YE OLDE WELLESLEY SNOOZE Dearest Wendy,Gertrude Fitzpootrick stole yet another one of my figgy puddings from the communal pantry. I know it was her because she’s always up in that icebox eating my...

"Me thinks something fishy may be afoot" Graphic courtesy of Eleanor Ahn

Towne Happenings

Rebecca Birnbach | February 7, 2024

YE OLDE WELLESLEY SNOOZE Little white rabbit seen hopping through Sev Green!! Next Tuesday there will be a ballot distributed by the College Government, the measures include: - Hoops, for rolling or...

Photo courtesy of BrownU Jews for Ceasefire Now.

Hunger strike at Brown University

Rebecca Birnbach | February 7, 2024

After multiple sit-ins, walkouts, rallies and over 60 protester arrests, Brown University students are demonstrating their commitment to the university's divestment “from all companies perpetuating and...

Classifieds

Classifieds

Rebecca Birnbach | December 14, 2023

What Wellesley students really want... Hello loyal Snooze readers! As we enter reading period, we know that you and your fellow sibs are growing desperate, scrambling to get your grades up, settling...

Graphic courtesy of Lexi Borden

Newcomer to host Wellesley Drag

Rebecca Birnbach | December 13, 2023

The news-worthy question on everyone’s mind: who will host Wellesley Drag next semester with Bimbo Babka, Drag’s founding host, escaping to Berlin? As an investigative journalist, I have made it my...

"We've got a lot to learn from each other."

Boy Math Problem Set

Rebecca Birnbach | October 5, 2023

Forbes defines "Girl Math" as "an invented set of rules that women supposedly keep to when justifying impulse spending." But "Boy Math is all about nonsensical rules" specifically focused on "general hypocrisy...

"Orgs fair fun" Graphic courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

Banned Orgs

Rebecca Birnbach | September 20, 2023

*This is an article from the humor section, not real news.* In Case You Missed ‘Em… Here are the top ten previously banned or canceled clubs and societies that made their exciting return to campus...

Tower House Prez Emails

Tower House Prez Emails

Rebecca Birnbach | March 8, 2023

Over the course of the past few weeks, Tower Court residents have engaged in slightly more debauchery than usual. As such, the Tower House President has needed to send an influx of emails to curb the recent...

Holy HRC candle

Almost Presidents Day

Rebecca Birnbach | February 22, 2023

On Feb. 20, Wellesley College students celebrated their sixth annual “Almost Presidents Day.” Students took part in traditional mourning ceremonies as well as celebrations to honor Wellesley College’s...

Graphic by Cheryl Wang

PJ’s Letter to Santa

Rebecca Birnbach | December 7, 2022

Fuzzy socks for those chilly New England winters Who doesn’t love cozy socks?    More students paying full tuition The backbone of our glorious institution.    A Bop-It!™ This...

Italians are ppl too. Graphic by Eleanor Ahn

10 Holidays Better Than Christmas

Rebecca Birnbach | December 7, 2022

1. Memorial Day In memoriam of when the Snooze was actually funny. 2. Italian’s People Day We love our local Wellesley pizzarias. (Italians are people too!) 3. Wet T-Shirt Wednesday You know the...

Graphic courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

The Witches of Wellesley

Rebecca Birnbach | November 3, 2022

Here at Wellesley, we seemingly have a club or organization for every interest, hobby, or background, which is why Molly "Chrysanthemum" Smith, '24, felt the need to found the Wellesley Witchcraft Society...

Graphic courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

Munger Poop Bandit Flowchart

Rebecca Birnbach | November 3, 2022

In light of the news about Munger Hall's very own poop bandit leaving some surprises in the first floor and basement communal trash bins, we here at the Snooze felt the necessity to inform the general...

Exchanging Hillary bobblehead for Starbucks. Courtesy of Rebecca Birnbach

10 tips for first-years

Rebecca Birnbach | October 1, 2022

The transition to college is hard, whether you’re struggling making friends, navigating the campus or just adjusting to this new chapter of your life. I get it, and as a super cool and informed first-year...

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