Until recently, I’ve always really struggled in academic settings. I overheard my dad telling my mom that he thinks I’ll turn out more street-smart. I think that might be because I hated school so much, I used to kick and cry and scream every morning until they locked me out on the street, but I always managed to find my way to school.
But not anymore, and I have only one person to thank: my governor, Ronald Dion DeSantis. Since the pandemic, I have allegedly fallen below my grade level in reading comprehension. But now that the law says the dictionary and thesaurus are inappro-pro and bad, it is not my fault I don’t know what words mean! Also, my teacher has stopped making us do our weekly reading reports (we don’t have enough books in the library for everyone in our class). Instead, we each only have to give one presentation a year on one of the selected and pre-approved chapters of the Bible! I did mine on the story of Jesus’s crucifixion last week and got an A because my analysis and conclusion were so good. I said it was mean that they killed Jesus like that, but long-term a good choice because he probably would have died anyway, and now we get to have Christmas, and I love Christmas.
Anyway, school is a lot of fun right now. In PE, Mr. H is teaching us how to form armed militias and the intricacies of hand-to-gun combat. It was a little scary at first, but then I realized I was the one holding the gun, so everything was going to be okay. As Mr. H says, “the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is a good kid with a gun.”
They’ve also turned Social Studies class into Socialist Studies, which is like PE (I get to hit people), but specifically about how to best defend ourselves against socialists. We haven’t covered that much material yet, but all I know is that I suddenly don’t have to share my toys with anyone during recess anymore. Also, I don’t know what a socialist is; Mommy said it wasn’t always a bad word.
On the topic of bad words, back when school was hard and boring, I used to have to fake being sick to get out of it. Now, it’s so much easier. All I do is say “GAY,” and mommy has to come pick me up!
Thank you, Ron DeSanta Claus (I call him that because he’s so giving and cares a lot about kids)
