Early this semester, The Wellesley News covered the long-anticipated return of Cafe Hoop and El Table, two student co-ops on campus that had been closed since the beginning of the 2024-25 school year. And now that senior thesis-ers are emerging from their caves, Pendleton South, fan-favorite co-op, prepares to reopen.
“PNS is a speakeasy,” a student told us, “except without all that kitschy hipster bullshit. We actually have taste here.” “It’s underground,” another student shared, “like literally, but also figuratively. Mostly figuratively.” Like most other speakeasies, Pendleton South is password-and duo push-protected. The key is given to students upon completion of their first WGST, Religion, Art History, or Comp. Lit course, and requires them to recite a monologue from Tolstoy’s “The Death of Ivan Ilych” to be granted access. Our advice? Really put some effort in, because only the patrons with the freshest takes on existential dread will be allowed into the VIP section.
PNS is known for its extensive and creative menu, ranging from cult-classic cocktails such as the “Man-hater Mimosa” and “Cunty Cosmo” to Zoloft. Only open during full moons and Mercury retrogrades, PNS is the perfect spot to pregame your hot prof’s evening office hours or get that nice liquid blanket before your walk back to Bates.
The general Manager of PNS explains that the delay in opening was due to an unusually tedious hiring process. “None of these bitches could even recite Chaucer,” she shared, “it’s like they had dads that loved them or something.” The application requirements to join the collective of PNSes include: a proficiency in tarot reading, an intimate knowledge of 2003 film “Mona Lisa Smile,” and what the Stone Center might refer to as “minor substance abuse tendencies.”
Students across campus have expressed their excitement at the return of Pendleton South, sharing how thrilled they are to “return to a culture of casual yet exclusive socializing” and “reclaim the custom of partying in dingy basements and really recenter it in the joy of women, she/theys, and other marginalized identities.” We send our best wishes to the whole team of PNSes and hope you will join us at their grand reopening this weekend.
