“End poverty. End racism. End grade deflation.”
These were the words that nearly 7,000 Harvard College students chanted as they walked out of class on Tuesday afternoon. In the largest demonstration ever recorded in the College’s history, students protested the University’s rejection of a referendum calling for the protection of grade inflation.
Protesters flooded Harvard Yard, chanting “4.0 Lives Matter” and holding signs saying “A B is a human rights violation.”
Leading this march was a crowd of varsity athletes, many identifying as economics majors, followed closely by students whose parents had donated at least three buildings and a fountain.
The demonstration comes in response to speculation that the College may take steps to curb grade inflation. In retaliation, the undergraduate student government unveiled a “three-pronged solution to maintain academic excellence:” allowing students to purchase A grades, granting automatic As to verified college influencers and adjusting grades to preserve high school ranking.
In a campus-wide ballot last week, 95 percent of students voted for the Harvard Undergraduate Student Association (HUA)’s three-pronged approach to protect grade inflation.
In a statement two days later, Harvard administration rejected the proposal, warning that further demands could result in disciplinary action, potentially including “mandatory enrollment in Wellesley College English courses, where ‘grading has integrity.’”
“That was our last straw,” said sophomore varsity football player Chad Brad (GPA: 3.67, but “spiritually a 4.0”). “I shouldn’t have to risk getting a B in ‘BIO 067: Bonehead Bio?’”
Dedicated student journalists at The Harvard Crimson reportedly skipped classes last week, working around the clock to define exactly what constitutes “academic rigor.” To Harvard students’ despair, they found that in a tier list of academic rigor, Harvard was in the F tier.
Others expressed concern that the College’s actions could impede their post-graduate prospects.
“With a 3.99, I’m basically unemployable,” said junior Brayden Baylor Barnard Kushner-Maxwell IV (GPA: 3.99), whose voice was hoarse from yelling, “What about my dreams? How else am I supposed to achieve my dreams as a policy analyst at Palantir?”
Protest Leader Radcliffe Widener Smith Harvard, whose sign said, “My parents created this university, how about yours?”, spoke in support of grades in exchange for money.
“It would be a disaster if we don’t allow people to buy As. With the current grading, I’m only at a 3.5. But with a couple million bucks, I can achieve the 4.0 I need,” said Smith Harvard (GPA: temporarily a 3.5 until tomorrow’s wire transfer).
For college influencer Je$$ica $mith (adamant that her name is NOT one of the 164,888 words containing the letter S), whose last 50 videos have been titled “Day in my life (DIML) at Harvard” (69M views)—the College’s crackdown would mean that her content production schedule would be exponentially slowed down.
“Omg this is so terrible. My entire online persona has been built around writing Harvard essays in eight hours max,” $mith said, while vlogging the interview for her latest reel, “DIML at Harvard as I participate in my first political protest.” “How am I supposed to make the same DIML videos 30 times when I actually have to do school?”
While nearly all 7,000 undergraduate students walked out of their classes today, a handful did not. A senior, who requested anonymity out of fear of student harassment and Sidechat doxxing, discretely spoke about their concerns to the News at Johnston Gate.
“I honestly feel like not everyone should get a 4.0,” the student said, while doing the liberal arts 360. “Sometimes it’s lonely when you’re the only one who shows up to a 500 person lecture.”
But against the sea of students in Harvard Yard, it’s unclear whether the sophomore class will be able to sway the steadfast demonstrators. To end the protest, the students banded together to shout their final chant.
“Harvard, united, will never be deflated! Harvard, united, will never be deflated!”
