It’s no secret that Wellesley College is running low on dorm rooms. To solve this problem, the college previously announced the construction of new modular dorms as far from campus civilization as possible: in the lot that once held the termite-infested Dower dormitory. However, backlash from students made the college realize that no student wants to live in the mods, and no promise of air conditioning is going to change that.
Since these mod dorms would be far away anyway, college admin decided to get creative and finally listen to what its students want. Nice, new dorms built in a neo-gothic style. The only caveat? These dorms would be on the college’s new proposed Greenland campus.
That’s right, Wellesley College has now officially entered their bid to buy Greenland from the Danes.
Recent reports show that college admin withdrew the entirety of the endowment last week and invested in Nvidia stock, likely to attempt to raise enough funds to entice Denmark to sell us Greenland. And, though Denmark has expressed that they are not interested in selling the polar territory, Wellesley hopes that the creation of the Clinton Center for Greenland will entice them to change their minds. The Snooze’s insider reports that Wellesley has been particularly aggressive with their bids, and that the government of Denmark is more inclined to do business with Wellesley than the U.S. government, as the college isn’t violating NATO policy.
A potential Greenland campus could be of great benefit to the college. New classes such as “Intro to Mineral Extraction” and “Fracking for Future Baristas” have already been proposed, and there are talks of the creation of a new specialty in the WGST major, “Arctic Lesbofeminism.” Such additions to the academic catalog would diversify Wellesley’s course offerings and provide promising opportunities to cut funding to languages, history, and other humanities programs.
Students across campus are intrigued by the college’s bid, calling it “unnecessary” and “why would they do that.” The college’s official position is positive towards the Greenland deal and emphasizes that they “are just listening to the student body except for all the ways in which [they] aren’t.”
More on this breaking story as it develops.
