Breaking news has just come in from Cambridge, MA announcing that Harvard student John White ’19, who says all the right things about male privilege, is still really irritating to almost everyone.

Studies have indicated that this trend is not unique to John. While one out of every one men are trash, there are abnormalities that indicate that even these men who take their privilege into account before commenting on feminism or movements for female equality still make every female in the room want to kill themselves.

“I understand why women would feel that way. Given that most spaces here are already male-dominated and that gender inequities within the workplace make their way into academic spheres as well, it’s difficult for women to assert themselves. That’s why I try to make spaces for women’s ideas to be heard and respected,” White said, while every female in the room collectively groaned.

Sharon Stevens ’20 said that at a frat party, White approached her and began asking her about herself and her interests. When she asked if he was a member of said fraternity, White responded, “No, I find the misogynistic culture within Greek Life to be counterproductive to the values of our university.”  He’s the absolute worst, am I right?

White even had a copy of The Feminine Mystique sticking out of his backpack, but it wasn’t enough to offset the overwhelming annoyance about such a self-aware, well-informed and overall good individual. Although White’s observations are correct, they remain super annoying for everyone to hear. Please John, for all our sakes, keep up the good work and shut the f*** up.