On March 1st, 2026, The U.S. Department of Education (which still exists, we’re told) debuted a new banner outside its building featuring late far-right public figure Charlie Kirk. The surrounding banners spotlight influential educators of American history such as Catharine Beecher, Booker T. Washington, and MLK — the perfect cohort in which to induct someone like Kirk, who notably lived and died at for schools. In a statement to the press, the Department of Education said: “We wanted to honor visionary leaders whose contributions have shaped the future of education,” and “we had to do something to stay relevant, cuz we heard some stuff in Asia or wherever was starting to steal our thunder.”
As a hopeful future educator, I wish to declare my support of and belief in the decisions of the D.O.E. because I’ve kind of committed to this whole teaching thing and can’t really afford to change career paths now. As such, I’d like to highlight some of Kirk’s teachings that have directly influenced my personal educational philosophy:
- In reference to former Vice President Kamala Harris, Kirk once said “she’s like the most unlikable, fakest person ever to run for the presidency. She’s also super dumb.” With this in mind, I plan to ensure my students actually know how to spell the names of the people they diss before they diss them.
- An Evangelical Christian himself, Kirk once said, “The American church is a joke in this country. It is a church that is filled with cowards and people that call themselves pastors, but are really motivational speakers wearing skinny jeans with new sneakers that run ‘Ted Talks’ with rock concerts with organized parking and good coffee.” From this quotation, I have pulled two major teachings: First, I should instruct the future generation to be wary of redundancy in their speech. Second, I am totally free to wear skinny jeans and new sneakers to my Ted Talk rock concert because I am a Jew and he said nothing about Rabbis.
- Kirk has, on multiple occasions, expressed his disapproval of the LGBTQ+ community, stating that he “reject[s] the entire premise of trans transgenderism” and he “[doesn’t] think it really exists.” This statement affirms my belief that thinking and knowing are different. Gotta love empirical evidence!
- In his final, impassioned speech on the politics of gun control and the countless lives lost in shootings, Kirk begged the question “counting or not counting gang violence?” This phrase illustrates how vital mathematics is in early childhood development. You can either count, or not count. When in doubt, start with fingers and toes!
Look out, Massachusetts Tests for Educator Licensure, I’m ready!
