We all remember where we were when the Clapp Grand Staircase was announced, and the renovation was extended another semester. Well, just this week, Snooze Insiders received reports that the Clapp Library will be closed for the entire 2026-2027 academic year to add a hyperrealistic epoxy resin faux-ice sculpture of a fierce goose to the lobby!
This showstopping feature was voted upon by the Board of Trustees last Thursday. There was no time during the initial renovation to complete the sculpture, so the idea was scrapped. However, now that Clapp’s lobby has been around for a few months, completely unadorned, members have decided that a change is warranted. What better way to celebrate Wellesley’s 150th than with an homage to the school’s unofficial mascot? Plus, anything that gets the “spoiled losers on this campus crying,” sources confirm, is on admin’s agenda.
The goose sculpture would stand to be the library’s new crown jewel. After all, every place of studying needs hyperspecific adornments that serve no functional purpose. Our insider states that the board was torn between providing more comprehensive financial aid packages for students and increasing professor salaries, but that at the last minute, that Blackrock lady came up with this winning idea. She was inspired by seeing a student slip on the ice outside, right next to a pile of goose poop.
The student response to this announcement has been mixed. One student, found studying in the Hall of Presidents, was anti-sculpture. “As a member of the Class of 2027, this is only my third semester on campus with a library. Now they’re taking it away for my senior year?” Another student, surveyed while making a 3-D printed clit in the Knapp Center said, “As long as they have 3-D printers somewhere, I don’t care what they do.” When asked by Snooze reporters if they were prepping for the upcoming Sexual Health Educators Anatomy event in Knapp, the student responded, “Oh, I’m not a SHE. I’m just working on a…personal project.”
The goose could serve as a powerful symbol of Wellesley culture, though the implementation of such an emblem could lead to further academic disruptions for students. The debates are expected to be fierce and unyielding. The Snooze’s official recommendation is to go study in the Great Hall like a cool person. Libraries are for nerds.
More on this breaking story as it develops.
