It is with average weight hearts that we remind you, dear reader, that the 2025-2026 year of Snooze has come to an end. Sad, we know. Devastating, even. But dry your eyes, O fan, for we do not intend to leave you in the dark. Until The Snooze resumes regular coverage in the Fall, we have taken it upon ourselves to give you the best of [what we think will be] the news over the next few months.
- Saxbys still sucks: like ew.
- Wellesley College raises tuition to $100,001: yayyyy palindrome!!
- Trump wages war on country whose name he can’t pronounce: all we know for sure is that it was a “shithole.”
- New kind of milk discovered to be bad for you: it comes from tree!
- Karoline Leavitt says bitchy thing: sources confirm it was said with confidence.
- Worst person you know posts about internship: we only got through the words “grateful” and “journey” before throwing up in our mouths.
- Weather app says sunny; it not: bamboozled again!
- Another failed assassination attempt by NARP shooter with no aim: when will former D1 athletes finally make themselves useful?
- Smartest person in your CS class gets recruited by Palantir: oh no!
We’ll see you in the fall. Or sooner, if I accidentally post a story not realizing I’m logged into The Snooze’s instagram (again.)
