Dear [company or team name] Hiring Committee,

I am thrilled to tell you that you must give me this job, please, please, please. As a senior at Wellesley College, I am hoping you have some connection to or at least a favorable view of this prestigious college, because that is why I went here. I believe that I am the perfect fit for [company name] because you have a job opening, and I would be okay with putting [company name] on my LinkedIn and future job applications. I am not only interested in this position; I have begun imagining an alternate life in which I already have it.

Although you listed 3+ years of [specific industry/ position] experience as the “required characteristics,” and I do not have that, I have plenty of other relevant experiences, such as taking one class on this in my Junior Spring (where I realized this career would be harder than I thought). Last year, I held the [E-Board] position, during which I gained firsthand experience with being ghosted on Slack. Additionally, I’m currently holding one of your HR hiring managers at gunpoint. This, I believe, is my greatest strength and demonstrates my initiative.

I thrive in fast-paced environments, especially when the alternative is sitting alone with my thoughts. And I would also bring a unique perspective to this role, largely because I do not know what I am talking about yet. Now I am going to list some buzzwords from this job posting so that the AI software reading this puts me through: communication skills, collaborates well with teams, detail-oriented, 10+ years of experience, adaptable, dependable, SEO best practices, and master’s degree.

Additionally, I have already told my mother about this job, so legally you are involved now.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I would be honored to discuss how my background, enthusiasm, hostage release demands and low standards for entry-level pay make me an ideal candidate.

Tysm, 

Xoxox

Love you bye!!