The transition to the real world is hard, whether you’re struggling to acclimate to life without Brightspace, navigating the ever-changing world of PTO or just adjusting to this new chapter of your life. I get it, and as a super-stable, well-informed senior myself, I’ve compiled the best advice and insider info I wish someone had told me.
- Are you tired of not hearing back from any of the jobs you applied for? The best way to secure that first-round interview is to make your application memorable. Try making your cover letters stand out by attaching your nudes below!
- Scared you’ll turn into a femcel because leaving Wellesley means you’ll never be surrounded by as many horny gay people ever again? If you’re not moving to Bushwick, just go straight! If Jojo Siwa could do it, so can you.
- Do you have student loans to pay off? Are you stressing about paying rent, affording groceries and having to downsize from your cushy college lifestyle? Put your Wellesley degree to good use, find a boutique fertility clinic and sell your eggs! Egg donation agencies are always looking for donors who attended elite institutions.
- Do people keep asking you about your plans for the future? Have you tried lying?
- Sad and missing your friends who are moving around the world/ country? Try burning every bridge and severing every connection you’ve made. Bada bing bada boom, now you’ve got no friends to miss!
- Feeling burnt out after four years of a rigorous education? Have you ever considered you just wasted your time and money, so much money? (not a suggestion, just a genuine question. Have you?)
- Does every decision feel permanent and scary? Get Pregnant, then you can see how “permanent” things really are.
- Are you feeling overwhelmed by the increasingly hostile job market, where entry-level work is being delegated upstream to junior positions because AI can now do the work that has historically gone to the bottom of the totem pole, so you feel like it’s kinda hopeless because you’ve sent in so many applications only to get strung along, interview after interview just to hear that the role has been filled internally, and now you have to start all over and also we’re at war with Iran, but it’s unconstitutional that we’re at war because congress didn’t approve this, so it’s technically a “conflict,” but this “conflict” certainly walks, talks and quacks like a war so it’s kinda like what even is going on here. Then, have you thought about grad school? I’ve heard good things about the Harvard Extension “School”.
- Come back and visit your alma mater! It’s not reliving your glory days if you never leave. Claim squatter’s rights!
- Get married.
