Major news has broken this week. No, it’s not that Trump almost got assassinated again. Who GAF. It’s about my lord and savior, my AI Jesus, Megan Thee. I, like everyone else on this planet, was genuinely dumbfounded that Big Head Bing Bong Man Who Slap Balls For Living could betray a 3x Grammy winning philanthropist hottie, whose knees are in enviously perfect condition. 

As such, I have taken the following measures to get revenge on Klay Thompson. 

1. Hired multiple Etsy witches (yes, including that one) 
2. Making him in the Sims and taking away the ladder when he is swimming
3. Brazen Bull 
4. Sending two crates of fire ants to his home 
5. Exploding him with my mind 
6. Exploding him with more than my mind (a bomb)
7. Emailing him a 32 terabyte zip file that he has to open to renew his contract 
8. Make him register for housing with a 1:30 PM time slot and no roommate group
9. Give him depression (they do this to mice in my friend’s lab) (they hang them by their tails) (we could do something similar) 
10. Feed him cold Lulu Thanksgiving lunch (which he has to wait in line for) (at 12:35)
11. Tell his grandma 
12. Send him to a Dead Serious show 

Klay Alexander Thompson, you are watashi NOT star. Die die die die die die die die die!!!!!!